Jake turned six months on Thursday last week, but I wasn't there to see it. My wife's grandmother had been taken very ill, so we had decided to fly her home for a week or so to see her and to provide some moral support to her family. In the PBE, I would have looked forward to a few days by myself as an opportunity to relax, see some friends and potter around the house. Whilst I did do these things this time round, it was amazing the difference that Jake has come to make to my lifestyle and just how much I missed whilst he was gone.
The one time when I missed him less was at night, and the first few days that they were gone, I slept a lot, simply because I could. However, after two or three days, I started waking in the middle night with my subconscious panicking that I couldn't hear Jake. Now that they're back, I'm sure I'll be cursing when he wakes up in the night, but part of me has missed that quiet time when the world is still and it's just me and Jake (and some milk).
I also didn't realise just how quiet the house would be. I wouldn't say that my wife and I are noisy people, but when Jake's around, we're constantly talking to him and he's normally chattering back so the house feels full of noise. When it was just me alone, I had to have the radio on or leave the house to see people to stop the silence. The house, as well as my life in general, felt very empty, and it's only now that they're home that I realise how complete everything feels, as much as I hate the word complete.
I think it also helps that Jake has come back even more smiley and even more chattery than before, and seeing his beam when he stepped back into the house into familiar territory warmed my heart no end. Being a father has created and awoken feelings in me that I didn't know that I had, and that I didn't know that were possible, but now that they're hear, I miss them when Jake's not around. How I'll go back to work on Monday now, I'm not sure!
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