Returning to work

The title for this post gives the reason for the lengthy delay since the last post. I've now completed my first full (ish) week back at work and while I've managed to survive, it's a very different experience to the PBE. I want to make a note of the good, the bad and the ugly about this last week, and going back to work with a newborn while it's still fairly fresh.

The Good
- Normality. The first weeks with Jake seemed very disorganised, as we spent a lot of time sleeping at odd times, spending hours just watching him and constantly talking about him and our parenting approaches. Going back to work brings a structure back to the day as well as forcing you to think about other things beyond the baby.
- Distraction. It's easy to get caught up in the neuroses of the new parent, worrying whether Jake is too hot or cold, whether he's sleeping too much, eating too little etc. Work distracts you from these thoughts which can give you some clarity.
- Appreciation of our successes. The work that I do brings me into contact with a lot of children who haven't had the same start in life that Kelsey and I will be able to offer Jake over the years. Returning to work makes me realise that just the safe and calm environment that we've fostered here puts him at a great advantage in life and this is still the stage where he is only concerned with his most basic needs.

The Bad
- Fatigue. After 3 weeks at home where I could sleep at any time, I had to force myself to go through a couple of training days where I had to be up, dressed and ready to leave the house by 7.30am so that Monday morning wouldn't be a surprise. Whilst I managed to do it, my energy levels are still at the mercy of Jake's night time wakenings, regardless as to whether it's my turn or Kelsey's to sort him out.
- A change of focus. In the Pre Baby Era, I would get to work feeling entirely motivated to put my all into trying to make a difference for the children of South Leeds. While this motivation is still there, part of me is just concerned with getting through to the end of each day so I can get home to see my baby. I don't think that my practise will suffer as I have high expectations of myself for my child facing work, but I can definitely tell a difference in my attitude towards the surrounding paperwork.
- Getting home. This is something that I'm sure every couple goes through when one person goes back to work. The other person who stays at home has to deal with the baby throughout the day, whether he's crying, sleeping or being playful. Either way, it's a full on responsibility. When I get home, Kelsey is ready for some down time, and while I'm delighted to see my son, I'm also on the tail end of a long day. It hasn't caused any issues so far as he still sleeps a lot, but it's one that needs careful thought and discussion to make sure that all three of us get our needs met at the end of the day.

The Ugly
- Thursday. I have never been so tired in my life. We had gone to bed a little later than normal, and Jake I think had become overtired. When he woke to feed at 2 am, it took around an hour to get him back to sleep, and he was up again at 5. The difficulty with him sleeping in the room with us means that even if it's not your turn, you still wake up, and I struggled all the way through Thursday. Fortunately, my boss is incredibly understanding and sent me home early. I slept solidly for two hours when I got back and felt like a new man.

I still feel that 2 weeks paternity leave (I managed 3 by combining it with a half term break at school) is a shamefully poor amount of time for a father to spend at home with a new baby. So many of the children that I work with lack any sort of male role model and it seems strange that we still expect the mother to always be the primary care giver. I guess it makes sense for those still breast feeding, but in cases like ours where we bottle feed, either one of us could stay at home with him.

I want to make the point that Kelsey is an entirely competent mother and my concerns about the briefness of paternity leave are selfish. I feel as time goes by I will miss out on certain key moments through being at work and that I desperately want to be an equal partner in raising Jake.

There is legislation being discussed in Leeds that would allow parents to share the years worth of maternity leave between them, and this makes sense to me. If the British government is serious about the strength of the family unit in society, then we need to give fathers the full opportunity to be key figures in the lives of their children.

Important NB!
My thoughts about paternity leave are very British-centric, understandably, so any complaints that I make are to be taken in light of the system here rather than in comparison to the rights of new fathers in other countries.