In the PBE, I don't think we ever quite realised just how precious our time together was. Many people had told us to make the most of it, so in the last few months we did go to the cinema more and out on random dates, but it wasn't until Jake arrived that you find out how much time he eats up. Even when he's asleep on an evening, we're either so tired that we just want to sit down or we're making up the next batch of bottles or doing laundry. You spend time together, but not quality time together.
This is why Tuesday of this week was a momentous occasion (beyond being Jake's 5 week birthday). My mum made us an incredibly generous offer to come up to Leeds every Tuesday and spend the day with Jake freeing us up to go out. I feel this is a win win situation as it must be hard on my parents (and indeed Kelsey's folks) as Milton Keynes is a long way away so their Jake time is limited. It also meant that on Tuesday afternoon Kelsey had a bit of respite to go into town and meet a friend which is always surprisingly energising. When I came home, we went straight out on our first date night. We had heard stories from other people about how they could only bear 40 minutes on their first time leaving the baby alone, but I think the combination of absolute faith in my mum's ability to care for Jake and the fact that we've made it a point to give each other time away from the baby meant that we could go to the pub at the top of the road and have a relaxed 2 hour dinner without feeling guilty. Indeed, the only time pressure that brought us home was making sure that my mum could drive home in plenty of time rather than panicking if Jake was ok.
The date night highlighted a couple of things for us. Firstly, we can live up to our own expectations of being relaxed enough to let other people care for Jake. Secondly, that it's important to have that touch-base time between us which we've tried to incorporate a little each day either through cuddling more whilst watching a movie or chatting to each other during Jake's naps. Lastly, that having a baby changes everything in your life and whilst you sometimes pine for the PBE, we'd rather have him in our lives and find different ways to do the things that we like.
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Time Management
It's been a long time (comparatively!) since my last post and I feel obligated to get something down today to mark Jake's one month birthday. This got me thinking that your sense of time changes as you grow up. Just in the last four weeks, we've had to switch from talking about Jake's age in days to weeks and as adults you measure in years and then early, mid and late decades. It's interesting, however, that when you talk to parents of toddlers, they still measure their child's age in months rather than years. For example, my cousin came to visit last weekend and brought my lovely first cousin once removed (what we believe the relationship between me and her child to be). We hadn't seen them for a while so I asked her age and was told 20 months. I guess it makes sense instead of saying 1 year 8 months, or almost 2, and it seems to be standard across parents of very young children. My question therefore is at what point do you start to measure your child's life in years? Quite probably when it becomes a hassle to convert it into years: "Yes, Jake is now 132 months old"
Whilst I'm talking about time, it's amazing how quickly you settle into a routine and rhythm. Even Jake is starting to get in on the act, and while we're still feeding him when he's hungry, you can still be sure that once it gets to the evening, he'll sleep for around 3-4 hours which makes planning our nightime shifts a little easier. It's a hard one to work out, because at the end of the day, someone has to get up and feed him at 2 am and neither of us are keen to do so. However, the system we currently have worked out is that he's my responsibility before 12 and after 5am, meaning that Kelsey gets some downtime in the evening when I get home from work, I get some rest so I'm not a zombie at work and Kelsey gets a "lie-in" after the 2am shift. It seems to work as a system, especially as Kelsey is slowly re-discovering the joys of daytime napping.
It also means that I get some quality Jake cuddles before I go to work. Once you've got past the screaming blue murder as if you've not fed him for days, he looks so content when he feeds, especially as we keep him swaddled up till Kelsey wakes up. In theory, we're trying to make it so that during the night, we change and feed him and then put him straight back to bed so he gets used to sleeping when it's dark out, but at the moment it's light when he feeds at 5. The house is quiet, the world is restful, he's very warm and snoozy so we often sit for a while before I take him back to bed. It's a very peaceful experience whether he has fallen asleep in my arms or is awake and looking around (and sometimes at me) and easily one of my favourite times of the day.
Whilst I'm talking about time, it's amazing how quickly you settle into a routine and rhythm. Even Jake is starting to get in on the act, and while we're still feeding him when he's hungry, you can still be sure that once it gets to the evening, he'll sleep for around 3-4 hours which makes planning our nightime shifts a little easier. It's a hard one to work out, because at the end of the day, someone has to get up and feed him at 2 am and neither of us are keen to do so. However, the system we currently have worked out is that he's my responsibility before 12 and after 5am, meaning that Kelsey gets some downtime in the evening when I get home from work, I get some rest so I'm not a zombie at work and Kelsey gets a "lie-in" after the 2am shift. It seems to work as a system, especially as Kelsey is slowly re-discovering the joys of daytime napping.
It also means that I get some quality Jake cuddles before I go to work. Once you've got past the screaming blue murder as if you've not fed him for days, he looks so content when he feeds, especially as we keep him swaddled up till Kelsey wakes up. In theory, we're trying to make it so that during the night, we change and feed him and then put him straight back to bed so he gets used to sleeping when it's dark out, but at the moment it's light when he feeds at 5. The house is quiet, the world is restful, he's very warm and snoozy so we often sit for a while before I take him back to bed. It's a very peaceful experience whether he has fallen asleep in my arms or is awake and looking around (and sometimes at me) and easily one of my favourite times of the day.
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Returning to work
The title for this post gives the reason for the lengthy delay since the last post. I've now completed my first full (ish) week back at work and while I've managed to survive, it's a very different experience to the PBE. I want to make a note of the good, the bad and the ugly about this last week, and going back to work with a newborn while it's still fairly fresh.
The Good
- Normality. The first weeks with Jake seemed very disorganised, as we spent a lot of time sleeping at odd times, spending hours just watching him and constantly talking about him and our parenting approaches. Going back to work brings a structure back to the day as well as forcing you to think about other things beyond the baby.
- Distraction. It's easy to get caught up in the neuroses of the new parent, worrying whether Jake is too hot or cold, whether he's sleeping too much, eating too little etc. Work distracts you from these thoughts which can give you some clarity.
- Appreciation of our successes. The work that I do brings me into contact with a lot of children who haven't had the same start in life that Kelsey and I will be able to offer Jake over the years. Returning to work makes me realise that just the safe and calm environment that we've fostered here puts him at a great advantage in life and this is still the stage where he is only concerned with his most basic needs.
The Bad
- Fatigue. After 3 weeks at home where I could sleep at any time, I had to force myself to go through a couple of training days where I had to be up, dressed and ready to leave the house by 7.30am so that Monday morning wouldn't be a surprise. Whilst I managed to do it, my energy levels are still at the mercy of Jake's night time wakenings, regardless as to whether it's my turn or Kelsey's to sort him out.
- A change of focus. In the Pre Baby Era, I would get to work feeling entirely motivated to put my all into trying to make a difference for the children of South Leeds. While this motivation is still there, part of me is just concerned with getting through to the end of each day so I can get home to see my baby. I don't think that my practise will suffer as I have high expectations of myself for my child facing work, but I can definitely tell a difference in my attitude towards the surrounding paperwork.
- Getting home. This is something that I'm sure every couple goes through when one person goes back to work. The other person who stays at home has to deal with the baby throughout the day, whether he's crying, sleeping or being playful. Either way, it's a full on responsibility. When I get home, Kelsey is ready for some down time, and while I'm delighted to see my son, I'm also on the tail end of a long day. It hasn't caused any issues so far as he still sleeps a lot, but it's one that needs careful thought and discussion to make sure that all three of us get our needs met at the end of the day.
The Ugly
- Thursday. I have never been so tired in my life. We had gone to bed a little later than normal, and Jake I think had become overtired. When he woke to feed at 2 am, it took around an hour to get him back to sleep, and he was up again at 5. The difficulty with him sleeping in the room with us means that even if it's not your turn, you still wake up, and I struggled all the way through Thursday. Fortunately, my boss is incredibly understanding and sent me home early. I slept solidly for two hours when I got back and felt like a new man.
I still feel that 2 weeks paternity leave (I managed 3 by combining it with a half term break at school) is a shamefully poor amount of time for a father to spend at home with a new baby. So many of the children that I work with lack any sort of male role model and it seems strange that we still expect the mother to always be the primary care giver. I guess it makes sense for those still breast feeding, but in cases like ours where we bottle feed, either one of us could stay at home with him.
I want to make the point that Kelsey is an entirely competent mother and my concerns about the briefness of paternity leave are selfish. I feel as time goes by I will miss out on certain key moments through being at work and that I desperately want to be an equal partner in raising Jake.
There is legislation being discussed in Leeds that would allow parents to share the years worth of maternity leave between them, and this makes sense to me. If the British government is serious about the strength of the family unit in society, then we need to give fathers the full opportunity to be key figures in the lives of their children.
Important NB!
My thoughts about paternity leave are very British-centric, understandably, so any complaints that I make are to be taken in light of the system here rather than in comparison to the rights of new fathers in other countries.
The Good
- Normality. The first weeks with Jake seemed very disorganised, as we spent a lot of time sleeping at odd times, spending hours just watching him and constantly talking about him and our parenting approaches. Going back to work brings a structure back to the day as well as forcing you to think about other things beyond the baby.
- Distraction. It's easy to get caught up in the neuroses of the new parent, worrying whether Jake is too hot or cold, whether he's sleeping too much, eating too little etc. Work distracts you from these thoughts which can give you some clarity.
- Appreciation of our successes. The work that I do brings me into contact with a lot of children who haven't had the same start in life that Kelsey and I will be able to offer Jake over the years. Returning to work makes me realise that just the safe and calm environment that we've fostered here puts him at a great advantage in life and this is still the stage where he is only concerned with his most basic needs.
The Bad
- Fatigue. After 3 weeks at home where I could sleep at any time, I had to force myself to go through a couple of training days where I had to be up, dressed and ready to leave the house by 7.30am so that Monday morning wouldn't be a surprise. Whilst I managed to do it, my energy levels are still at the mercy of Jake's night time wakenings, regardless as to whether it's my turn or Kelsey's to sort him out.
- A change of focus. In the Pre Baby Era, I would get to work feeling entirely motivated to put my all into trying to make a difference for the children of South Leeds. While this motivation is still there, part of me is just concerned with getting through to the end of each day so I can get home to see my baby. I don't think that my practise will suffer as I have high expectations of myself for my child facing work, but I can definitely tell a difference in my attitude towards the surrounding paperwork.
- Getting home. This is something that I'm sure every couple goes through when one person goes back to work. The other person who stays at home has to deal with the baby throughout the day, whether he's crying, sleeping or being playful. Either way, it's a full on responsibility. When I get home, Kelsey is ready for some down time, and while I'm delighted to see my son, I'm also on the tail end of a long day. It hasn't caused any issues so far as he still sleeps a lot, but it's one that needs careful thought and discussion to make sure that all three of us get our needs met at the end of the day.
The Ugly
- Thursday. I have never been so tired in my life. We had gone to bed a little later than normal, and Jake I think had become overtired. When he woke to feed at 2 am, it took around an hour to get him back to sleep, and he was up again at 5. The difficulty with him sleeping in the room with us means that even if it's not your turn, you still wake up, and I struggled all the way through Thursday. Fortunately, my boss is incredibly understanding and sent me home early. I slept solidly for two hours when I got back and felt like a new man.
I still feel that 2 weeks paternity leave (I managed 3 by combining it with a half term break at school) is a shamefully poor amount of time for a father to spend at home with a new baby. So many of the children that I work with lack any sort of male role model and it seems strange that we still expect the mother to always be the primary care giver. I guess it makes sense for those still breast feeding, but in cases like ours where we bottle feed, either one of us could stay at home with him.
I want to make the point that Kelsey is an entirely competent mother and my concerns about the briefness of paternity leave are selfish. I feel as time goes by I will miss out on certain key moments through being at work and that I desperately want to be an equal partner in raising Jake.
There is legislation being discussed in Leeds that would allow parents to share the years worth of maternity leave between them, and this makes sense to me. If the British government is serious about the strength of the family unit in society, then we need to give fathers the full opportunity to be key figures in the lives of their children.
Important NB!
My thoughts about paternity leave are very British-centric, understandably, so any complaints that I make are to be taken in light of the system here rather than in comparison to the rights of new fathers in other countries.
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Jake at 3 weeks
Just typing that title seems incredible. We've now moved into the stage where we're measuring Jake's life in terms of weeks rather than days, and the changes have only become apparent to me as I've returned to work. On the wall is one of the first pictures of Jake that I emailed to my colleagues just after he was born and you'd barely recognise him now.
The big changes that have happened this week on Jake's part are mainly physical. All his behaviours stay roughly the same, though I am writing this on the back of one of the best night's sleep I've had where he slept for almost 6 hours. It wasn't quite uninterrupted sleep as we both woke slightly panicking that something was wrong as he normally sleeps for 3 or 4 hours during the night at a time.
Anyway, I digress. Physically, Jake is starting to change shape. His face is becoming a lot rounder (which may be due to the 12 ounces he put on last week!) and while he spends less time resembling an old man, he's definitely progressing into his teenage years like the picture of Dorian Gray. His forehead and cheeks are covered with a light case of acne while if you catch the right light you'll see a fine wispy beard on his chin.
Fortunately, this means that the oils in his skin have started to work, meaning that his eyes are little less gunky (though it does make it look likes he's welling up at times) and the skin around his wrists and ankles isn't flaking as badly. This may be helped by the fact that we've taken to putting some aqueous cream on him most days as part of a mini baby massage.
For us, the big change in this week is my return to work. As promised, I'm going to make a separate post on this in the next day or two, but one of key differences is just how much Kelsey is learning about Jake while I'm away. I guess when it's both of us at home then you just get on with looking after him, while when it's just Kelsey at home she has to develop specific strategies to help her manage her own needs as well as his.
This was brought home to me when I got in last night, went straight for a cuddle and Kelsey recommended that I left him for a bit as he seemed to be enjoying his own company. I was desperate for a Jake cuddle, so I ignored her advice and picked him up, at which point he started to scream. I put him back in his cot and he settled immediately. This kind of knowledge is delightful as it helps Kelsey to feel more in control of her time at home with him.
Let's see what the next week brings as we've move closer to Jake's one month birthday! In the meantime, here are my favourite Jake pictures from this last week:
The big changes that have happened this week on Jake's part are mainly physical. All his behaviours stay roughly the same, though I am writing this on the back of one of the best night's sleep I've had where he slept for almost 6 hours. It wasn't quite uninterrupted sleep as we both woke slightly panicking that something was wrong as he normally sleeps for 3 or 4 hours during the night at a time.
Anyway, I digress. Physically, Jake is starting to change shape. His face is becoming a lot rounder (which may be due to the 12 ounces he put on last week!) and while he spends less time resembling an old man, he's definitely progressing into his teenage years like the picture of Dorian Gray. His forehead and cheeks are covered with a light case of acne while if you catch the right light you'll see a fine wispy beard on his chin.
Fortunately, this means that the oils in his skin have started to work, meaning that his eyes are little less gunky (though it does make it look likes he's welling up at times) and the skin around his wrists and ankles isn't flaking as badly. This may be helped by the fact that we've taken to putting some aqueous cream on him most days as part of a mini baby massage.
For us, the big change in this week is my return to work. As promised, I'm going to make a separate post on this in the next day or two, but one of key differences is just how much Kelsey is learning about Jake while I'm away. I guess when it's both of us at home then you just get on with looking after him, while when it's just Kelsey at home she has to develop specific strategies to help her manage her own needs as well as his.
This was brought home to me when I got in last night, went straight for a cuddle and Kelsey recommended that I left him for a bit as he seemed to be enjoying his own company. I was desperate for a Jake cuddle, so I ignored her advice and picked him up, at which point he started to scream. I put him back in his cot and he settled immediately. This kind of knowledge is delightful as it helps Kelsey to feel more in control of her time at home with him.
Let's see what the next week brings as we've move closer to Jake's one month birthday! In the meantime, here are my favourite Jake pictures from this last week:
Sunday, 10 June 2012
A view from the other side
I remember when I first started driving around Leeds after years of walking and biking everywhere. Up until that point, I had spent a lot of time cursing aggressive drivers who cared nothing for my safety on a bike or the rules of the road when it came to pedestrian crossing. The minute that I got behind the wheel of my beloved Ka, however, everything changed. Suddenly there were these pesky pedestrians who stepped out in the middle of the road when you were least expecting it and cyclists who cut across your path or who held you up at traffic lights. It took a while to be able to put myself in their shoes again.
Having a baby has brought up this whole set of feelings, with a slightly different twist. It wasn't that I was frustrated by people with children, but more that I just wasn't aware of some of the difficulties that they face. Now with a child and a buggy (pushchair? pram? everyone seems to call it something different, and I change it's name depending on who I'm talking to) I'm much more aware of the view from the other side. Here are some of the examples that I've come across in the last few days that I wouldn't even have thought of in the pre-baby era (PBE perhaps?)
- Pavements (sidewalks for those reading on the other side of the Atlantic). While the pavements here are reasonably good quality, the height of them means that you have to walk quite far to get to a place where you can realistically cross the road without dropping your buggy six inches. This becomes exacerbated when inconsiderate drivers park up on the kerb without leaving enough space for a pedestrian, let along a father with a buggy. You then have to work out a way to go round the car without waking up the baby. I'm seriously considering making up my own bad parking tickets for these situations
- Parking spaces. I will admit that I'm not the greatest at parking, but it becomes a whole lot more tricky when you've got to get a car seat in and out of the back of your car. A couple of times recently I've come back to the car to find someone has parked incredibly close to my space. This is fine if I'm getting in as I can squeeze, but Jake's car seat is pretty inflexible. You're then left with the difficulty of pulling your car out into traffic, parking and putting the car seat in while everyone sits and stares. I would try to park in the parent and child parking spaces, but these seem to be taken up by people without children who fancy parking close to the shop. I never realised this would irk me until now!
- Space. One of the greatest pleasures about having a buggy is that Kelsey and I can go out and about and bring Jake with us. Walking around is fine and easy (until you come to an awkward piece of pavement) but the inside of most shops and restaurants aren't conducive to buggies. Again, I'm not expecting them to be as people with babies probably make up a tiny fraction of their clientèle, but nevertheless it's frustrating when you want to browse the aisles and there's not enough room for your buggy. You're then faced with another dilemma. Do you go elsewhere in the hope that there'll be room for Jake, or park him up somewhere in the shop and quickly dash to get what you need? It's easy when there's two of you, but shopping alone I feel will be an art form to be mastered.
None of these will stop me from venturing out with Jake and indeed my plan is to take him to the Leeds parkrun next weekend (a free 5k race around Hyde Park) to see if it's possible to run with him. However, it's just another series of changes in both thoughts and behaviours that we're making as we're learning the ropes of parenthood.
Having a baby has brought up this whole set of feelings, with a slightly different twist. It wasn't that I was frustrated by people with children, but more that I just wasn't aware of some of the difficulties that they face. Now with a child and a buggy (pushchair? pram? everyone seems to call it something different, and I change it's name depending on who I'm talking to) I'm much more aware of the view from the other side. Here are some of the examples that I've come across in the last few days that I wouldn't even have thought of in the pre-baby era (PBE perhaps?)
- Pavements (sidewalks for those reading on the other side of the Atlantic). While the pavements here are reasonably good quality, the height of them means that you have to walk quite far to get to a place where you can realistically cross the road without dropping your buggy six inches. This becomes exacerbated when inconsiderate drivers park up on the kerb without leaving enough space for a pedestrian, let along a father with a buggy. You then have to work out a way to go round the car without waking up the baby. I'm seriously considering making up my own bad parking tickets for these situations
- Parking spaces. I will admit that I'm not the greatest at parking, but it becomes a whole lot more tricky when you've got to get a car seat in and out of the back of your car. A couple of times recently I've come back to the car to find someone has parked incredibly close to my space. This is fine if I'm getting in as I can squeeze, but Jake's car seat is pretty inflexible. You're then left with the difficulty of pulling your car out into traffic, parking and putting the car seat in while everyone sits and stares. I would try to park in the parent and child parking spaces, but these seem to be taken up by people without children who fancy parking close to the shop. I never realised this would irk me until now!
- Space. One of the greatest pleasures about having a buggy is that Kelsey and I can go out and about and bring Jake with us. Walking around is fine and easy (until you come to an awkward piece of pavement) but the inside of most shops and restaurants aren't conducive to buggies. Again, I'm not expecting them to be as people with babies probably make up a tiny fraction of their clientèle, but nevertheless it's frustrating when you want to browse the aisles and there's not enough room for your buggy. You're then faced with another dilemma. Do you go elsewhere in the hope that there'll be room for Jake, or park him up somewhere in the shop and quickly dash to get what you need? It's easy when there's two of you, but shopping alone I feel will be an art form to be mastered.
None of these will stop me from venturing out with Jake and indeed my plan is to take him to the Leeds parkrun next weekend (a free 5k race around Hyde Park) to see if it's possible to run with him. However, it's just another series of changes in both thoughts and behaviours that we're making as we're learning the ropes of parenthood.
Friday, 8 June 2012
The same but different
Today marks the last official day of my paternity leave, and while I've still got the weekend to go, the return to work on Monday morning looms ominously. I'll leave my thoughts and feelings about paternity leave to one of my posts next week, as I'll be able to talk about how it's been being back at work.
The reason that I start today's post with that thought is that Kelsey and I have been trying out as many different trips and visits as possible over the last week or so. This has included packing Jake up to go to see our friends, testing the length of the walk to Horsforth high street (answer, about 35 minutes there and 30 minutes back) and a trip into town today. Part of these is because part of our aim for Kelsey's maternity leave is for her and Jake to leave the house at least once a day and these trips will be some of the journeys she'll make. Part of these is to see what of our pre-baby life is still possible and what changes need to be made.
In short, everything remains the same but with some subtle differences. We now have to start getting ready in shifts, so actually getting out of the house takes longer. You have to try and second guess Jake's bowels and hunger and pack the right number of nappies, spare outfits and bottles without going over the top. Our friends have gotten used to the fact that Jake is a surprisingly lengthy topic of conversation and that he may scream and void his bowels in their house at any given time. When we went out for lunch today (Bar Burrito on the Headrow in Leeds, scores very highly on my child friendly restaurant list) we had to order a bowl of boiling water to heat his bottle with.
However, it's still possible to maintain a semblance of normal life as people are eager to meet Jake and we are determined to make him as part of our life as he is making us part of his, if that makes sense. This will hopefully continue when I go back to work, when everything promises to be the same but different in a whole load of different ways.
The reason that I start today's post with that thought is that Kelsey and I have been trying out as many different trips and visits as possible over the last week or so. This has included packing Jake up to go to see our friends, testing the length of the walk to Horsforth high street (answer, about 35 minutes there and 30 minutes back) and a trip into town today. Part of these is because part of our aim for Kelsey's maternity leave is for her and Jake to leave the house at least once a day and these trips will be some of the journeys she'll make. Part of these is to see what of our pre-baby life is still possible and what changes need to be made.
In short, everything remains the same but with some subtle differences. We now have to start getting ready in shifts, so actually getting out of the house takes longer. You have to try and second guess Jake's bowels and hunger and pack the right number of nappies, spare outfits and bottles without going over the top. Our friends have gotten used to the fact that Jake is a surprisingly lengthy topic of conversation and that he may scream and void his bowels in their house at any given time. When we went out for lunch today (Bar Burrito on the Headrow in Leeds, scores very highly on my child friendly restaurant list) we had to order a bowl of boiling water to heat his bottle with.
However, it's still possible to maintain a semblance of normal life as people are eager to meet Jake and we are determined to make him as part of our life as he is making us part of his, if that makes sense. This will hopefully continue when I go back to work, when everything promises to be the same but different in a whole load of different ways.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Jake at 2 weeks
The first week of Jake's life seemed to go so slowly. Maybe it was the steep learning curve, maybe it was that the nights seemed as long as the days to begin with. The second week has fairly raced by in a flurry of family and friends visiting over the Jubilee weekend. We've crammed a lot into every day which in part is down to the fact that everything seems to take that bit longer with a new born.
Just leaving the house to go shopping means that you need to get a bag ready with food, wipes, nappies and spare clothes, not to mention the car seat and pram that amazingly folds down into the boot of Kelsey's car. Even around the house, the constant cycle of feeding, changing, burping and cuddling seems to eat up time, to the point where my sense of how much time has passed since I last looked at a clock has severely diminished. I worry for my return to work next work, not only because Kelsey is still taking her time to recover from the birth but also that my job relies on good timing and I fear my practise may suffer.
We marked Jake's two week birthday with visits from a few friends and my parents in the evening, and it's clear that while being 150 miles away in Leeds works when you're at university and then forging a career for yourself, it becomes a lot harder when you have a baby/grandchild. We're currently working out how to increase the amount of time that my grandparents get to spend with Jake, especially as we're on a two year plan to move to the US.
I said last week that I'd try and list new Jake behaviours as well as things that we've worked out. The list is shorter than last week, but it serves as a good test for me to see what changes have happened.
Jake
- Sleeping in his Wombie (see picture) is great
- Black and white are the most fascinating colours
- The taste of orange leads to food (got to love Infacol!)
- To lift his head off my chest a little during a cuddle
- Baths might not be the worst thing that can possible happen
Ben and Kelsey
- Jake needs to be burped regularly during feeding or you suffer the consequences
- The checklist of reasons why he cries is getting a little longer - he sometimes now responds better to being left alone somewhere quiet than being constantly cuddled
- You have to trust your instincts a little more
- Add an extra 30 minutes on to any deadline/meeting time
- Not all Jake noises require immediate attention
- Everyone is happier when there's flexibility in the 3am handover
- Taking funny pictures of Jake never, ever gets boring.
And with that in mind, here are a few of my favourites of Jake's second week:
Just leaving the house to go shopping means that you need to get a bag ready with food, wipes, nappies and spare clothes, not to mention the car seat and pram that amazingly folds down into the boot of Kelsey's car. Even around the house, the constant cycle of feeding, changing, burping and cuddling seems to eat up time, to the point where my sense of how much time has passed since I last looked at a clock has severely diminished. I worry for my return to work next work, not only because Kelsey is still taking her time to recover from the birth but also that my job relies on good timing and I fear my practise may suffer.
We marked Jake's two week birthday with visits from a few friends and my parents in the evening, and it's clear that while being 150 miles away in Leeds works when you're at university and then forging a career for yourself, it becomes a lot harder when you have a baby/grandchild. We're currently working out how to increase the amount of time that my grandparents get to spend with Jake, especially as we're on a two year plan to move to the US.
I said last week that I'd try and list new Jake behaviours as well as things that we've worked out. The list is shorter than last week, but it serves as a good test for me to see what changes have happened.
Jake
- Sleeping in his Wombie (see picture) is great
- Black and white are the most fascinating colours
- The taste of orange leads to food (got to love Infacol!)
- To lift his head off my chest a little during a cuddle
- Baths might not be the worst thing that can possible happen
Ben and Kelsey
- Jake needs to be burped regularly during feeding or you suffer the consequences
- The checklist of reasons why he cries is getting a little longer - he sometimes now responds better to being left alone somewhere quiet than being constantly cuddled
- You have to trust your instincts a little more
- Add an extra 30 minutes on to any deadline/meeting time
- Not all Jake noises require immediate attention
- Everyone is happier when there's flexibility in the 3am handover
- Taking funny pictures of Jake never, ever gets boring.
And with that in mind, here are a few of my favourites of Jake's second week:
Monday, 4 June 2012
Taking Advice
Some parents complain that children don't come with an instruction manual. I disagree. Right from the moment that you decide to conceive, you can lay your hands on dozens of different books that will tell you all sorts of different ways to raise your child. Add onto that the amount of information and advice you're given by various midwives, nurses doctors and health visitors and your own family and friends and you start to suffer from information overload.
I think part of the preconception of stressed out and over protective first time parents is partly because it's a whole new ball game, but it's partly due to the stress of wanting to do the best for your child but not knowing what that best entails. For example, take the issue of sleep training. Our book says that you can't start it realistically before he gets to six months or so and you should help him to sleep if he's upset. Our local health centre midwives reckon to get him used to falling asleep by himself to make our lives easier later on. Family members from both sides suggest making sure that he gets enough sleep and worry about sleep training when he's ready. The stress for me comes not from the fear of making a bad decision, but the fear of not making the best one.
In the end, though, I think you have to make your own mind up. Both sets of grandparents have now been to visit, and I'm sure that there have been things that we've said or done in their presence to do with Jake that have made them wince internally. However, they have all had the right attitude, as far as Kelsey and I are concerned, which is to let us make our mistakes and offer advice only where appropriate. I think what this allows us to do as Jake's parents to find the advice that works best for us. There are dozens of different ways of raising your child and Jake is his own person. It's not about following one particular approach rigidly (we would have already failed the breastfeeding route!), instead it's about picking out the advice that helps us in our situation, or the advice that seems to make the most intuitive sense to us. I'm sure we'll make mistakes along the way, but Jake will be none the worse off for it.
More pictures and a weekly Jake update tomorrow (if I can find time...busy day planned!)
I think part of the preconception of stressed out and over protective first time parents is partly because it's a whole new ball game, but it's partly due to the stress of wanting to do the best for your child but not knowing what that best entails. For example, take the issue of sleep training. Our book says that you can't start it realistically before he gets to six months or so and you should help him to sleep if he's upset. Our local health centre midwives reckon to get him used to falling asleep by himself to make our lives easier later on. Family members from both sides suggest making sure that he gets enough sleep and worry about sleep training when he's ready. The stress for me comes not from the fear of making a bad decision, but the fear of not making the best one.
In the end, though, I think you have to make your own mind up. Both sets of grandparents have now been to visit, and I'm sure that there have been things that we've said or done in their presence to do with Jake that have made them wince internally. However, they have all had the right attitude, as far as Kelsey and I are concerned, which is to let us make our mistakes and offer advice only where appropriate. I think what this allows us to do as Jake's parents to find the advice that works best for us. There are dozens of different ways of raising your child and Jake is his own person. It's not about following one particular approach rigidly (we would have already failed the breastfeeding route!), instead it's about picking out the advice that helps us in our situation, or the advice that seems to make the most intuitive sense to us. I'm sure we'll make mistakes along the way, but Jake will be none the worse off for it.
More pictures and a weekly Jake update tomorrow (if I can find time...busy day planned!)
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