Tears

It would be an understatement to say that the last 9 days have been an emotional rollercoaster. There have been some excellent highs such as the first time we managed more than 2 hours sleep, and some epic lows, when everything that could be wrong was. We couldn't have made it through without Dan and Karyn Forbes, Kelsey's wonderful parents who have been with us up till today. Even though we've thanked them every day for their support and help with getting us through these tough times, I wanted to express my gratitude on here. From the first time that Dan came and took a crying Jake off my hands after a sleeplessness night to emotional support offered to Kelsey by her mum, I think it's fair to say that we couldn't have done it without out them. Before I get started on the subject of this post, I want to celebrate them with some photos we took today:

So on to today's subject. Tears. I have to admit that I've never been a big one for crying. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those guys who have never shed a tear, but I tend to keep my emotions in check, or at least I did until Jake turned up. I have cried more in the last 9 days than I have in the last 9 years, yet the tears represent so many different things.

There were tears of fear in the operating theatre when I didn't know or understand what was happening to Kelsey. There were tears of excitement when I first held him and tears of fatigue on the first night at home when we got to sleep at 7am. Last night there were tears of pure joy as I lay on my back with my baby boy lying on top of me, fast asleep and cozy as could be. When we first decided to have a baby, I had some images of what it would be like to have a newborn. Most of these included Kelsey by my side doing various different things, but this was the first time that reality had lived up to my expectations. I think they were also tears of love, a sort of overwhelming feeling to care for and cherish this little person sleeping on top of me.

As things become more settled around here, I feel that my tears will fall less regularly, but I don't think that feeling that I experienced last night will ever go away.