I've had a few posts in the pipeline for a while, and as I've got some spare time (ish!), I wanted to get a bit of momentum going again. Sunday was Father's Day, both here and in the UK, and I count it as my first one (I really don't remember much of June last year!). I'm torn about the day, because on the one hand, it's a commercialised holiday and I hate the idea of people spending money on gifts, food or cards simply because someone at Hallmark decided that they should. On the other hand, I think celebrating fatherhood is a good thing (part of the reason for writing this blog is to do so!), so I had wanted to write a post with some general reflections on being a father.
However, after watching some TV over the weekend, I want to write about the portrayal of fathers in the media. These are just my thoughts, feel to agree, disagree, tell me off for taking things too seriously as you will, but three adverts jumped out at me:
The first was for moonpig getting people to buy their fathers gifts and cards for Sunday. They had a series of men doing "manly" things like barbecueing, using power tools and playing golf, all of which feels stereotypical. I'm not sure that they would run a similar advert for mother's day (I don't remember seeing one on TV at the time!) and there was nothing about fathers playing or being with their children.
The second is for SMA formula. In it, you see mother after mother caring for their baby at home with the idea that all of them use SMA to help them through the weaning process. The thing that gets me is that out of 4 example pairings, all of them were mothers. This may be as a result of targetting by the ad agency after demographic research, but it would have been interesting to put a man in there.
The final one is for Robinson's juice (although the advert for Weetabix also hits this theme!). In this one, you see two boys playing out all day, drinking the juice, and the reveal at the end is that one of them is the father and the other the son (interesting, yesterday's version of the advert removed the bit about the father encouraging the son to go talk to a girl!). Whilst this moves towards how I feel we should be representing fatherhood, the tag line is It's good to be a dad, it's better to be a friend.
Now I may be thinking with my teacher head, but I think there's a difference. I think you need to be able to have that adult - child relationship with your kid so that they know boundaries and respect adult authority when they see it. I get worried when I see parents at school treating their kids as equals and friends, and these are often the children who will kick up a fuss in my class when faced with something they don't want to do. I hope that I have a good relationship with Jake (we certainly seem to have a good time together at the moment!) but I want him to see me as his father, someone who will help him develop and progress in life, play with him, love him unconditionally, but not someone that he sees as an equal until he's an adult himself.
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
Monday, 3 June 2013
Favourite toys
I've been carrying a few blog posts around in my head recently, so I'm going to try and get some of them written over the next week or so. I often think of a post, then forget about it when I'm in front of the computer, then run out of time when I next remember it...I feel I should be writing at least the titles down when I think of them!
Ideally, I wanted to write this one before Jake's birthday as he got a few new toys then which have quickly entered into his list of favourites. This post should act as a snapshot of Jake's favourite toys and interests now which should give some good comparisons later on.
1. Alan, or should I say ALAN! This is a puppet of the head of a white alpaca (hence the name). I don't think I've ever seen a child respond to a toy in such a way that Jake responds to Alan. His whole face lights up (we've got a great video where he's crying his eyes out then switches to giggles and smiles when he see Alan) and he grabs the puppet to cuddle and carry around with him. It's really cute when you've got your hand operating Alan as you can feel how tightly Jake cuddles him and it's fun to pretend to nuzzle him back through Alan.
2. The sorter. To be fair, Jake's favourite occupation at the moment is to take things out of a container and put them back in. It doesn't make any difference what the things are or what the container is, and he's as happy playing with the clothes in his wardrobe baskets as he is with an actual block sorter. However, he enjoys the challenge of putting a shape into the right hole (and beams when he does so first time round) so our wooden sorter always goes with us. His addiction to sorting means that you often find bits of food, socks and other toys stashed away at the end of the day, almost like he's saving them for later.
3. Plastic balls. We bought a couple of big bags (probably 100 total) of plastic balls to make a ball pit for his birthday, but Jake much prefers them as an indoor game. We simple unzip the bag and he scoots over, takes a few out and then tips the whole bag over. He'll then happily chase them around the floor, picking some up to bang together, putting others back into the bag. My favourite moments are where he decides on a ball to pick up, but because he scoots on his bum with his feet facing out meaning that he kicks the ball away from himself. This makes him laugh as he chases it again, only to kick it away. The sheer quantity of balls stops him from getting too frustrated.
4. Push bike. Another nearly new sale purchase. This bike slowly transforms to become a push along bike that Jake will walk behind, but at the moment he's much more interested in riding it, especially as his feet now touch the ground. It took him a while to work out how to move his legs to move the bike forward, but his favourite kitchen game is to push himself along to you and then be pushed back across the floor to start all over again. It's also full of buttons to press and make noise, making it a toy that we'll use a lot in the future!
5. Sunny. Sunny is a car toy to keep him calm on long rides and it's up there as it's got so many different sounds, movements and textures to keep Jake occupied. I like especially as it comes from an unlikely source, a friend who I wouldn't have put down as buying fantastic kids toys, but obviously knows his way around the Early Learning Centre. Sunny is about the same size as Jake, which makes me laugh as I tend to cover Jake up with Sunny as we get into the car.
The rest of his toys come and go in popularity, but the sheer quantity that we've accumulated means that we can always rediscover toys later on. We'll always be on the lookout for new things that will engage him and it'll be interesting to see the transition from his current favourites to new toys in the weeks and months to come.
Ideally, I wanted to write this one before Jake's birthday as he got a few new toys then which have quickly entered into his list of favourites. This post should act as a snapshot of Jake's favourite toys and interests now which should give some good comparisons later on.
1. Alan, or should I say ALAN! This is a puppet of the head of a white alpaca (hence the name). I don't think I've ever seen a child respond to a toy in such a way that Jake responds to Alan. His whole face lights up (we've got a great video where he's crying his eyes out then switches to giggles and smiles when he see Alan) and he grabs the puppet to cuddle and carry around with him. It's really cute when you've got your hand operating Alan as you can feel how tightly Jake cuddles him and it's fun to pretend to nuzzle him back through Alan.
2. The sorter. To be fair, Jake's favourite occupation at the moment is to take things out of a container and put them back in. It doesn't make any difference what the things are or what the container is, and he's as happy playing with the clothes in his wardrobe baskets as he is with an actual block sorter. However, he enjoys the challenge of putting a shape into the right hole (and beams when he does so first time round) so our wooden sorter always goes with us. His addiction to sorting means that you often find bits of food, socks and other toys stashed away at the end of the day, almost like he's saving them for later.
3. Plastic balls. We bought a couple of big bags (probably 100 total) of plastic balls to make a ball pit for his birthday, but Jake much prefers them as an indoor game. We simple unzip the bag and he scoots over, takes a few out and then tips the whole bag over. He'll then happily chase them around the floor, picking some up to bang together, putting others back into the bag. My favourite moments are where he decides on a ball to pick up, but because he scoots on his bum with his feet facing out meaning that he kicks the ball away from himself. This makes him laugh as he chases it again, only to kick it away. The sheer quantity of balls stops him from getting too frustrated.
4. Push bike. Another nearly new sale purchase. This bike slowly transforms to become a push along bike that Jake will walk behind, but at the moment he's much more interested in riding it, especially as his feet now touch the ground. It took him a while to work out how to move his legs to move the bike forward, but his favourite kitchen game is to push himself along to you and then be pushed back across the floor to start all over again. It's also full of buttons to press and make noise, making it a toy that we'll use a lot in the future!
5. Sunny. Sunny is a car toy to keep him calm on long rides and it's up there as it's got so many different sounds, movements and textures to keep Jake occupied. I like especially as it comes from an unlikely source, a friend who I wouldn't have put down as buying fantastic kids toys, but obviously knows his way around the Early Learning Centre. Sunny is about the same size as Jake, which makes me laugh as I tend to cover Jake up with Sunny as we get into the car.
The rest of his toys come and go in popularity, but the sheer quantity that we've accumulated means that we can always rediscover toys later on. We'll always be on the lookout for new things that will engage him and it'll be interesting to see the transition from his current favourites to new toys in the weeks and months to come.
Friday, 24 May 2013
Happy Birthday Jake!
I have been meaning to post for a couple of weeks now, as I've got quite a few topics that I want to cover. However, the combination of a whole raft of job applications and interviews, combined with a day to day job, my wife spraining her wrist and of course looking after Jake, means that finding time to write has been difficult! Today, I find myself with a spare 15 minutes before my in-laws arrive so I thought I'd put up my birthday message for Jake.
Dear Jake,
I can't believe that a year ago, you were brand new to the world. It seems like a lifetime has passed since that first day when I met you and held you in my arms at the hospital (which I guess it has for you!). It's hard to remember what life was like without you in our lives, or if we ever managed to love someone so much as we love you (which given how much your mum loves her cat is a big achievement!). Even on your most grumpy days, you find ways to make us smile and your infectious laugh and giggles pass onto everyone who hears them.
When you're finally able to read this, you'll find it strange that you had to learn how to sit up, how to smile, how to chatter, how to eat, how to play with toys, how to cuddle and how to shuffle yourself around, all in the space of one year. When I think back to your first weeks at home with us, where you had to be held and cradled at all times and then look at you now, sitting on the floor, playing with toys, scooting over to me for a cuddle, it seems incredible that it's the same person. It's only when I look back at all the pictures that I can truly see the journey that you've been on and just how content you seem with your world around you.
People have said to me that the years seem to go by faster and faster when you have children, but whilst I'm impatient to see what you're going to be like as a little boy and what you'll find interesting about the world, I want you to stay as the little boy whose eyes light up and legs start kicking with excitement each time that I walk into the room.
Your second year will bring even more changes and developments, and your mum and I will be there every step of the way (with a camera and props in hand!) celebrating your achievements.
Happy birthday Buggle, the first of many
Dad
Dear Jake,
I can't believe that a year ago, you were brand new to the world. It seems like a lifetime has passed since that first day when I met you and held you in my arms at the hospital (which I guess it has for you!). It's hard to remember what life was like without you in our lives, or if we ever managed to love someone so much as we love you (which given how much your mum loves her cat is a big achievement!). Even on your most grumpy days, you find ways to make us smile and your infectious laugh and giggles pass onto everyone who hears them.
When you're finally able to read this, you'll find it strange that you had to learn how to sit up, how to smile, how to chatter, how to eat, how to play with toys, how to cuddle and how to shuffle yourself around, all in the space of one year. When I think back to your first weeks at home with us, where you had to be held and cradled at all times and then look at you now, sitting on the floor, playing with toys, scooting over to me for a cuddle, it seems incredible that it's the same person. It's only when I look back at all the pictures that I can truly see the journey that you've been on and just how content you seem with your world around you.
People have said to me that the years seem to go by faster and faster when you have children, but whilst I'm impatient to see what you're going to be like as a little boy and what you'll find interesting about the world, I want you to stay as the little boy whose eyes light up and legs start kicking with excitement each time that I walk into the room.
Your second year will bring even more changes and developments, and your mum and I will be there every step of the way (with a camera and props in hand!) celebrating your achievements.
Happy birthday Buggle, the first of many
Dad
Friday, 26 April 2013
Childcare
One of the biggest decisions that faced us as new parents was what to do as Kelsey approached the end of her maternity leave. For some people, the finances work out well enough for one or other parent to stay at home and provide permanent care for the baby, but as I'm on a trainee teacher salary, Kelsey had to go back to work so that we could afford childcare for Jake. It's been an interesting experience so far, and as I was walking with Jake today, I started to make a list of pros and cons of childcare from my perspective:
Pros
- there's a whole load of new people, both adults and children, and I think that it helps to socialise Jake. He definitely likes watching other children play and you can see this in the way that he sits and stares when we take him to the park.
- the staff are all trained professionals which makes it easier to leave him in the hands of people who are effectively strangers. They know how to look after him and the book that they keep records their interactions with him and how they're going to help him meet his next developmental goals. They're also all really friendly and seem knowledgeable about what they're doing and why.
- it allows us a certain amount of flexibility. For example, during the last school holidays, I was able to drop Jake off for a few hours allowing me to go hit the books at university for my course. Naturally, we'll be charged for the extra hours (sadly we don't get refunded on the days we collect him early!) but it's useful to have that option without having to call in baby sitting favours.
Cons
- even with a three quarters contract (meaning that I get Jake all to myself during the school holidays), the cost is still more than our current mortgage payments. Fortunately, with a combination of child benefit and tax free childcare vouchers from both of our jobs, the cost is reduced a little, but it's still a massive draw on our finances.
- communicating Jake's changing routines and likes between us and nursery can be difficult. We gave them an initial overview of when he ate, his nap times and his food preferences, but that was a couple of months ago and he changes on almost a daily basis. Only today we discovered that he's eating more formula at nursery than we thought which may explain why he's not been so keen on solid food at the weekend. Finding a way to keep both sides updated will be tough but essential to give him as much consistency as possible.
- food is another minor issue as we're struggling to get Jake off beige foods and have already started to pack our food with vegetables that he won't notice when we blitz it up for him to eat. Whilst we didn't specify that we didn't want him to eat things like chocolate at nursery (we didn't want to make a fuss), it's slightly frustrating to pick him up sometimes with a face full of chocolate.
On the whole, I think it's a great place for him to go. In the last week he's started letting a little gurgle of excitement out when he realises where he is and he's certainly learning a whole load of new tricks like bum shuffling and giving people objects which bring us endless entertainment. It's also a great feeling having other people tell you how happy and content your baby is, even if we're paying them a small fortune to keep him that way.
Pros
- there's a whole load of new people, both adults and children, and I think that it helps to socialise Jake. He definitely likes watching other children play and you can see this in the way that he sits and stares when we take him to the park.
- the staff are all trained professionals which makes it easier to leave him in the hands of people who are effectively strangers. They know how to look after him and the book that they keep records their interactions with him and how they're going to help him meet his next developmental goals. They're also all really friendly and seem knowledgeable about what they're doing and why.
- it allows us a certain amount of flexibility. For example, during the last school holidays, I was able to drop Jake off for a few hours allowing me to go hit the books at university for my course. Naturally, we'll be charged for the extra hours (sadly we don't get refunded on the days we collect him early!) but it's useful to have that option without having to call in baby sitting favours.
Cons
- even with a three quarters contract (meaning that I get Jake all to myself during the school holidays), the cost is still more than our current mortgage payments. Fortunately, with a combination of child benefit and tax free childcare vouchers from both of our jobs, the cost is reduced a little, but it's still a massive draw on our finances.
- communicating Jake's changing routines and likes between us and nursery can be difficult. We gave them an initial overview of when he ate, his nap times and his food preferences, but that was a couple of months ago and he changes on almost a daily basis. Only today we discovered that he's eating more formula at nursery than we thought which may explain why he's not been so keen on solid food at the weekend. Finding a way to keep both sides updated will be tough but essential to give him as much consistency as possible.
- food is another minor issue as we're struggling to get Jake off beige foods and have already started to pack our food with vegetables that he won't notice when we blitz it up for him to eat. Whilst we didn't specify that we didn't want him to eat things like chocolate at nursery (we didn't want to make a fuss), it's slightly frustrating to pick him up sometimes with a face full of chocolate.
On the whole, I think it's a great place for him to go. In the last week he's started letting a little gurgle of excitement out when he realises where he is and he's certainly learning a whole load of new tricks like bum shuffling and giving people objects which bring us endless entertainment. It's also a great feeling having other people tell you how happy and content your baby is, even if we're paying them a small fortune to keep him that way.
Sunday, 21 April 2013
Ray Nears
A short entry today just to record Jake's ever increasing obsession with the outside world. Whilst we've not been able to co-ordinate diaries to continue the Leeds Country Way walk (though we're aiming to get back on the wagon next weekend...keep your eyes peeled on the blog!), Kelsey and I have been finding plenty of time to get Jake outside. The change of the clocks to give us back some light after work definitely helps as does the warmer weather, though we had some fun walks in the woods around our house during the snowy weather.
The most interesting thing that we've found is that contrary to what we were expecting, he is a big fan of the wind. I've always known that he doesn't mind have the wind in his face and he seems to grit his teeth towards in an odd sort of grimace. However, it wasn't until we went to visit some friends up in the Lake District and climbed up a decent sized hill that it became apparent that he actively enjoys that feeling. We went up while it was still relatively cold and we got to the summit around mid afternoon where there was a bracing cross wind. I immediately looked for a more sheltered spot when I was stopped by this kicking and gurgling from behind me. I stopped and was able to enjoy the views from the top with our friends whilst my little wind monster chatted throughout.
This trend has continued each and every time we go out. Softball season has started again, and it's my turn to sit on the sidelines whilst Kelsey plays. Jake obviously comes with us, and sits in the backpack watching the practice and making comments about people's batting (oh wait that's me). Last Wednesday saw the weather change in the day from being warm and sunny to grey and very windy. We play on one of the biggest parks in Leeds and the wind was whipping across the flat surface at what felt like gale force. I got some funny looks from our team as I loaded Jake into the backpack, but within a couple of minutes he was kicking and giggling away. The trick is to keep him bundled up and have a ready supply of biscuits in your pocket (I have now mastered the technique of reaching over my shoulder to pass food back) and he's as happy as can be.
I write this post more as a diary, as it will be interesting to see if Jake continues this love of being outside and of having the wind racing towards him.
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
Heartache
Heartache. It happens every time I hear of children being hurt, abused or killed. It happened way before we had Jake and the stories always tap into that part of me that is driven to work with young people to help them make a difference to the world around them. However, since we had Jake, the stories just strike that much harder. The news coming across from Boston of an 8 year old boy being killed in the explosions as he watched the marathon is still bringing a tear to my eye and making my heart break for his family. I don't know if being a father myself allows me more on a insight as to what it could feel like to lose a child, or if it perhaps makes me think about how much it would hurt if Jake was to be taken from us in such a cruel fashion.
I have no idea what the bombers were trying to achieve, but I hope that somewhere in their consciousness they have even the slightest notion of the horror, heartache and pain that they are putting unknown people through by killing innocent people, in particularly a child who has no part in any fight or cause.
I have no idea what the bombers were trying to achieve, but I hope that somewhere in their consciousness they have even the slightest notion of the horror, heartache and pain that they are putting unknown people through by killing innocent people, in particularly a child who has no part in any fight or cause.
Monday, 8 April 2013
Staying at home
Whilst I've never regretted deciding to do my teacher training year and have a baby at the same time, there are times when I think that I'd rather be doing one or the other. However, this last week has not been one of those times. In part it's because I'm on Easter break so the pressures on my time from work has been minimal and in part it's because Kelsey is at work so I've been playing at being a stay at home dad.
It's amazing how time can slowly dribble through your fingers when you're at home with a baby. Jake is roughly on an awake for 3 hours, asleep for 1 or 2 schedule, so you get used to living your life in short little blocks. By the time that you've looked out of the window, played with the blind, had a yoghurt and thrown some blocks on the floor, an hour has easily slipped by.
However, whilst it's tempting to spend the whole day gently pottering around the house, I like to Jake on adventures, such as a shopping trip, going for a run or meeting people for a coffee. This generally involves 10 minutes of screaming as I put him in his outdoor clothes, a promise that if it ever gets warm, I'll dress him in jeans and a t-shirt and then stuffing him into a pram or car seat. As soon as we start to move, and often as soon as we step outside, he's calm and gurgly, and puts on what I call his adventure face, where it looks like he's gritting his teeth (all 4 of them now!) into the wind.
It's a very peaceful time, and being able to spend his naptimes completely self-indulgently by reading, doing crosswords and writing is a rare luxury. Combined with spending time making him giggle, the thought of returning to next week doesn't seem like as much fun as before.
It's amazing how time can slowly dribble through your fingers when you're at home with a baby. Jake is roughly on an awake for 3 hours, asleep for 1 or 2 schedule, so you get used to living your life in short little blocks. By the time that you've looked out of the window, played with the blind, had a yoghurt and thrown some blocks on the floor, an hour has easily slipped by.
However, whilst it's tempting to spend the whole day gently pottering around the house, I like to Jake on adventures, such as a shopping trip, going for a run or meeting people for a coffee. This generally involves 10 minutes of screaming as I put him in his outdoor clothes, a promise that if it ever gets warm, I'll dress him in jeans and a t-shirt and then stuffing him into a pram or car seat. As soon as we start to move, and often as soon as we step outside, he's calm and gurgly, and puts on what I call his adventure face, where it looks like he's gritting his teeth (all 4 of them now!) into the wind.
It's a very peaceful time, and being able to spend his naptimes completely self-indulgently by reading, doing crosswords and writing is a rare luxury. Combined with spending time making him giggle, the thought of returning to next week doesn't seem like as much fun as before.
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