Sophie at 10

 Dear Lopins, Sofa, Sweet Pea,

I've been talking with you about these letters this week (now you know that they exist, but not where you'd find them) and you're interested in this idea of how I see your life versus your lived experience of it. We talked about when I'd give you these letters, and I had thought about at 18, but after chatting with you, I think I'd like to continue writing them each year till I can't and you get a series of love letters from your dad charting the ups and downs of your life, which I think would be pretty cool.

This has been a big year for you in many ways. While you still use goofy voices and mess around with your friends (Tessa, Harlynn, Anne, Martin and Nacora are the current faves!), you've really started to work out who you are and how you want to be. You've decided that you want to be a therapist when you grow up (though Momma and I feel that you might end up as a teacher/educator too) which plays into your caring and sensitive side. No matter who it is, you know how to make people feel better about themselves, and you love nothing more than snuggling up with Momma (a coodel!) or wrestling with me (you know it's a problem when the glasses come off!). You absolutely adore the Crazies when they come to visit, and you're excellent at getting down to their level and making games happen. You came home recently wanting to go through your clothes, toys and stuffies to give them to the little ones, and this is the perfect Sophie mix of kindness and growing up on purpose. 

You're also working out how to look after yourself. Your piano in your room has become a tool for self soothing, especially now that you can play quite complex pieces from memory (He's A Pirate is a current classic!) and you'll go do that when you get frustrated with Jake or overwhelmed by noise or chaos. You've also got into spa nights with Momma and discovered the joy of a good pedicure and nail painting. You've taken to wanting to wear jewelry, which saw you start your own earring collection in Leeds last year, a jewelry box for all your pieces for Christmas, and a beautiful necklace from Papa with a treble clef on it to connect you to Nana. 

That's been the hardest part of the last year for you and indeed for all of us. Nana passed away in November, and we all still tear up and get sad when things remind us of her. Telling you and Jake about her sickness after keeping it from you while we could was honestly the worst thing that has happened to me as a parent; sharing the understanding that the world can be a shockingly harsh and awful place, and sometimes bad things happen to good people for no reason at all. We feel fortunate that you've got memories of Nana out in the garden or welcoming you to her home with snacks and fruit at any time of day, and just know that we'll still miss her when you finally read this and it's ok to be sad with us. 

One way of keeping Nana's memory alive for me is to tell about all the cool things you get up to as she always reveled in your busy life. Piano continues to be a strength and a source of joy for you. I also think that having Miss Mary as your teacher as well as Nana's keeps it a strong connection, but you're also getting to the level of proficiency where you can play more complex pieces and begin to truly enjoy the music you can create. You've also picked up the clarinet this year at school and you reveled in knowing how to read music and keep time well ahead of everybody else. You're now talking about picking up the Polish woodwind instrument (English horn!) but we think two instruments is enough for now. 

You've also decided that girls only sports are the way to go. After the success of Girls on the Run last year, you decided to try RYSA girls for soccer in the fall, and fell in love with girls soccer. We kept the group together through the winter at the indoor dome, picking up our first draws, and then came out firing in the spring with a few wins even through the crazy rain each weekend. You're willing to play anywhere, but I love seeing you on defense, using your strength to win the ball and then dribble it up. You're building good friends on the team, and got asked to play for the u11 team at a recent tournament. I think you'll play again in the fall, and I can't wait to be your coach to watch you grow and develop more. 

In amongst these main passions, you've tried a bit of everything. Volleyball caught your eye (though that may have to do with Harlynn and other friends playing!) and you tried rugby, but it's a mixed gender sport which has turned you off it, and it's all about individual speed and strength which don't really appeal to you. You enjoyed basketball to the point that you've got a summer camp booked for it, and I think you'll come back to it in the fall - hopefully with Maya's mom as your coach as you'll be in the age range.

This love of being busy certainly comes from me (though you also like quiet time with a book or watching TV with Jake), and it's all part of the bigger exploration of who you are and what you like. You come home telling me tidbits from school, and your teacher raves about how kind and thoughtful you are, and also how you're in the back row of math kids who like to challenge themselves. You've got a good grounding that it's ok to be smart and organized (getting your Lexia and homework done on Tuesdays because it was your only free night!), but you can also be silly (we watched The Holy Grail recently and you keep quoting it back and forth with me much to my delight!), and funny and sweet and all the things me and Momma would hope for you to be. This year will be another year of growth and I can't wait to see what sticks and what changes when I write again next June.

All my love

Dad/Dadda/Haroldson

Jake at 13

 Dear Jake-a/Jakey/Iacoppo,

It seems strange to think of you as a teenager, as you definitely buck the trend of the stereotypical self-isolating grumpy kid. Of course there's still time for this, and looking at you physically, I'm pretty sure puberty has yet to kick in for you (even though you are taller than Molly and Allie, and Momma can't see over your head!). As my brain has started on your appearance, you're still concerned with your external looks, from making sure that your clothes are cool name brands to making sure you have the same haircut as just about every other kid your age. You fractured your wrist recently flipping the go kart on a wet day at Papa's house, and your two main concerns were how your friends were going to perceive you and whether you'd be allowed to play soccer again.

On the soccer front, you've faced some challenges this last year. The fall season saw you step up to an 11 v 11 system, and your coach Lucas tried to turn you into a CDM. This was a change of speed for you, and we even tried some 1:1 coaching sessions to build your skills and confidence. However, the Revs were focused on results which meant you didn't get much playing time, and while you still enjoyed soccer, you felt like the Revs weren't the right home for you. You played some futsal indoors and found some success there, but we completely failed to find a good spring option for you. We've ended up at Northwood again just playing their in-house rec league. While it's not super challenging for you, it's fun and we think it's going to make you want to play soccer again. We're staying home this summer and you've got summer camps and skill sessions with Samba with the goal of playing for the school in the fall, so I feel soccer will continue to be a large part of your life. 

Ok. I sat for 5 minutes working out to approach this part of the last year without crying, and I'm still not sure I'll be able to do it in one shot. The reason we're not going back to England this summer is that Nana passed away last November, and we're staying close to home to look after Papa, help with the celebration of life and continue to grieve together. Her death was expected (for us) but she went from being on vacation to Papa and out for breakfast to dying in a week which felt awful for you. You knew she was sick and I think you must have seen her physical deterioration, but it still the most awful parenting experience I've ever had to tell you and Sophie the whole truth about what was going on. For your whole life, we've (both consciously and subconsciously) tried to protect you from how awful and terrible the world can be, but this was your first exposure to true helplessness in the face of random chance. I feel fortunate in some respects that as the oldest grandchild you will have concrete memories of her ("ola" from the porch every time we visited) but those same memories mean that you still find Momma (and sometimes me) on a weekly basis to talk about her and how much you miss her. Your Lego obsession has been somewhat swallowed by Minecraft, and I watched you make a memorial to her on there the other day. Who know what age you'll be when you read these letters, but you need to know that your mom and I miss her too on a daily basis, and we're just thankful you're emotionally intelligent and open enough to share your thoughts and feelings with us. 

This last year has seen you do the typical middle school student thing of testing boundaries and exploring your relationships. You've had a couple of run ins with the math teacher at school (and found that your mom and I will ALWAYS back the teacher if they say you've been messing around) and we had to put in place your first real consequence of no technology as a way of making our point about making better choices. You accepted this and school reports that you've worked hard to keep yourself out of trouble, even though your goofy friends sometimes try to drag you into things. You got accused of bullying earlier this year (it was weird being on the other side of that conversation!) but it wasn't founded, and I think you learned some lessons about how to handle yourself with students who aren't your best buds. Next year represents your last at Strafford School, so I'm hoping that you make the step up that all my 8th graders seem to do to finish your time with positive memories and finding ways to maintain the strong group of friends who continue to support and encourage you. 

Finally, you're still a home body, and even given the option of arranging play dates, you'd much rather hang out at the house. This means that you continue to want to spend time with your sister, your mother and me (we're still reading the 39 clues series, and you actively request a couple of chapters every night!) and I'll take that as long as I can. The nature of the time we spend together changes, though you and Sophie and I still found a new board game to obsess over in April vacation, and I've just introduced you to Age of Empires (waiting for your brain to click in and start thrashing me!). You're still a thoughtful kid who finds enjoyment in the every day, and you've taken to asking me about my day and asking follow up questions. While you were disappointed that the day of your birthday didn't feel special (it was a rainy Thursday at school!), we talked about it some more and you recognized that there's an awful lot of days that count as "fun" or "good" in your books, ranging from going to see Liverpool at Anfield to a day of board games and soccer in the garden. As the hormones kick in, I hope that this bedrock of optimism and positivity steers you through, and that you continue to come and find me for a game or a chat or a chapter in the coming months and years.

Love you

Little B/Haroldson/Dada/Plebster