Sophie at 8

 Dear Sofa/Sofa Dofa/Mamsie,

What a year this has been for you. One of the biggest worries I've had watching you grow up is that you're so close to your brother that you take on a lot of his interests as your own. This last year, however, has seen you really start to explore who you are, what you like (and don't like) and how to be Sophie - which is funny, sweet, sensitive, whip-smart and just an overall joy to be around. Don't get me wrong, you're still likely to let Jake pick the TV, but you make sure that you're watching things you both enjoy (Dude Perfect and Mark Rober are the current favorites!) and it's becoming more likely that Jake will want to watch and play with your things than vice versa. For example, you're big into slimes right now (fortunately we're talking pre-made slimes not the do it yourself kits that you and I can never work out!), and Jake is obsessed with playing with them as much as you are, and you're always gracious enough to let him join you. 

This year has seen you develop more robust friendships wherever you go. Your birthday party is always a good gauge for me about your social life, and you had a dozen people you invited who are all good and close friends who you've been talking about all year. It's a testament to your friendship that so many of them made plans on Father's Day to come help you celebrate, though I think the promise of a tie-dye escape room bounce house party was hard to resist! It was another example of you exploring and thinking about what you like and enjoy, and I hope that you see that your mom and I will go to big lengths to help you figure it all out.

On that theme, you've been taking piano lessons now for over a year, to the point where Nana upgraded your keyboard to a weighted keys one just like hers. We do weekly lessons with Miss Mary, and you got to play on a proper baby grand piano at a recital last month which you thought was great fun. You're for sure interested in learning to play and you've got the smarts to learn to read music, but your biggest joy is messing around finding notes that go together (even like last night when you should have been going to bed and you came downstairs to tell me about a melody that you created). This desire to be in charge of your own world and find your own direction is delightful, and I love being your piano buddy and captivated audience. 

One of the hardest parts of this independent journey is when things change that I'm not ready for yet, but that I have to put on my brave face because they're your decisions and I want to support you. Two examples come to mind here. We play a lot of soccer, and I've coached you the last two fall seasons and set up some spring soccer in Northwood with your friends. We talked about fall soccer again this year (which would be a travel team), but you've decided you want to try out flag football as some of your friends from school play and made it sound like fun. There's no reason for me not to support this beyond the fact that I'll miss coaching you, and football is a sport I don't know much about, but you can be sure I'll learn and will be there at every practice and game (and you know we'll have a flag football set up in the yard!). The second example is that you want to get your ears pierced, so we've set up an appointment when we get back from our European adventures. Again, I have no reason to say no, and you have friends that have had their ears pierced for ages, so I've got to get over my hesitation that it feels like you're wanting to grow up quickly, and be supportive to learn as much as I can about ear care and how to match studs and earrings to your ever growing sense of fashion. 

On the flipside to these fatherhood challenges is the sheer joy of spending time with you. You continue to want to keep everyone happy (though your mom and I have changed tack slightly so instead of putting ourselves in competition to you "who do you want to wash your hair tonight?" we take the decision making mental load off you by presenting an opt-out scenario "dadda is going to wash your hair tonight unless you don't want him to") and you came home with the most cooperative award from your second grade teacher. We are highly conscious of avoiding "good girl syndrome" with you, and we always want to make sure that you know you have the right to your own desires, needs and no's and that they will be listened to and respected. 

Your empathic streaks runs as hot as ever. Momma is coming out a few days after us to England, and you're sad about it. What we realized last night is not that you're going to be sad without Momma (let's be honest, you did a week in Florida with Nana and Papa and barely said hello to us!), but that you're worried Momma is going to be sad by herself in the house without you. She's excited to have some quiet time before the travels, so we'll spend today convincing you that everyone wins in this situation! 

You're still a goofball, and the sheer number of photos that people take of you pulling a silly face or just being goofy is delightful to see. One of your favorite things to do still is to wrestle with me, whether it's being picked up and thrown on the bed as a way of being woken up in the morning, having me lay (carefully!) on top of you on the couch, or being picked up and dropped down at the lake. You're growing big and tall, so I'll continue to do this until you're too big and my muscles are too weak to do it (or until you don't want me to any more, but I don't see that ending any time soon). 

As Nana said to me recently, 8 is the year that you're a bona fide kid; confident, sociable, caring, strong and brave to name just a few of the things I admire about you. This year will be another big year for you in so many ways, and I'll be by your side as you continue your journey of becoming Sophie. 

All my love

Dadda

Jake at 11

 Dear Jake-o, Jake-a, Iacopo,

Your birthday kind of snuck up on us this year. I don't know if it's because you're in that weird "tween" phase where you've hit the big milestone of 10 but haven't started the transition into teenagerhood (though you have the puberty talk coming up at school in a week or two, so I'm intrigued as to what you make of that!). I think it's also that you've been...not less excited about your birthday, but I think it holds less significance as you've started working out how to get your own money, and so your birthday isn't the only time during the year outside Christmas when you get things you want. We set you up with your first bank account so you could have a card to make purchases online and in person, and it's fun to send you electronic money in return for chores and completing Lexia levels. You continue to be a dragon hoarder, and you're very careful with your money (though if you can make someone else spring for something, you'll take that opportunity every time (looking at you, Nana and Papa!).

Your birthday party was a great insight into your friendship group. It was an exact repeat of your 10th party at Hilltop, down to the same guest list. You've made some solid friendships, and they're just a nice group of kids. You were never out of control, and you find joy in the small things, like bringing home an enormous bouncy ball from the arcade, or an exciting Pokemon pull. In a world where I ended up looking after three of your friends' phones, you aren't straining against our wishes for you to connect in person. Yes, you have a phone because you and Sophie have been taking the bus home alone this year, but it's often left around the home, and it's more frustrating for me to try and get hold of you in the afternoon if I need to ask you a question instead of trying to wrestle the phone away from you! Watching a few of your friends become absorbed into their phones at social events recently makes us more certain that we'll wait for as long as we can before turning on any additional features that will make your phone addictive. 

That's not to say you're not immersed in technology. While the weekends will find you playing soccer in various locations or shooting hoops (or trick shot videos!) outside, you'll always default to playing something on your Switch, or watching Dude Perfect or Mark Rober on Youtube. Both of these make your mom and I happy, especially as it's a good overlap between what you want to watch, what Sophie wants to watch, and stuff that me and your mom don't mind watching with you. Indeed, we were inspired by the Dude Perfect Overtime show that we used it to structure our recent April vacation, which was a great success to give us a range of fun activities (Cool Not Cool for $10 in Walmart!) and days out (discovering that mom is insane at laser tag and bowling!).

This year has been frustrating for you in terms of your jaw and your teeth as we found out that you had some long term trauma in the joint between your jaw and your skull. You toughed out a hard surgery and you're still in a recovery period where you can't chew anything more sturdy than a hamburger. Fortunately burritos are still on the menu as your favorite meal (though no doritos!), as well as pancakes and ice cream, so you're not wasting away. It's hard to have conversations with your doctors about the future, however, as it's going to involve some major jaw surgery, and while you're working hard at your jaw exercises, I really hope that you're doing them as well as you can so we can keep that surgery date away as long as possible. 

Coming back to soccer, it's been great to watch you think through what you want out of the sport. Last spring, you played at Rochester and were one of the better players on the team, which was a great confidence boost for you. It also served as a wake up call that you enjoy playing the sport enough to want to get better at it. You played rec in Strafford in the fall and fell in love with being a striker, and even when a whole bunch of your core friends were playing basketball, you asked us to sign you up for indoor soccer even with kids you didn't know. This worked out well, and it's led you to playing soccer in Northwood with 7th and 8th graders. It's hard work, but you're liking the challenge of having to prove yourself against the big kids (as well as learning how to dive when they use their size against you!). I also love that you're becoming interested in the wider world of soccer, and you're getting the hang of how the Premier League works, the intricacies of European soccer, and where Lionel Messi might play next season. I don't know if it's just a way you choose to connect with me, or if you find it as fascinating as I do, but I relish teaching you (informally) about one of my biggest passions. 

Lastly, let's just talk about how joyful it is having you at home these days. You have the capacity to be a sassy 11 year old trash talking me as you beat me at Mario Kart or Fifa repeatedly, but you're also a thoughtful kid who spends an hour on their mother's day card to include as many types of plants on there as possible. You are a wonderful brother to Sophie, always engaging with her in your games and play, and you always speak positively to her. The two of you are still very close, which I love to see given some of the relationships that your friends have with their siblings, and I hope that as you go through the upcoming puberty related changes that you always make time for her. 

I'm proud of the kid that you are, the friends that you've chosen, and the conscientious and responsible student we hear about from your school. You always get great reports from parties, sleepovers and playdates, and you're the kind of kid that every parent wants their own child to be friends with. Summer is coming up, and I can't wait to see what adventures we get up to. 

All my love,

Dadda