An interesting conversation happened last weekend with one of my friends who amongst several drinks made the announcement that they were thinking of having children in the near future. I had to contain my excitement as I don't want to be one of those parents who thinks that everyone else should procreate just because I have. However, it's always going to be exciting when people I know decide to become parents and I'll have to rein in my instincts to hand out advice left, right and centre (more on that in another post).
The most interesting part of the conversation was about priorities and how they change when you have children. It's not a lie when they say that having a child changes your life forever, not only in the day to day stuff of when you get up, what you do, where you go and who you see, but also in the way that Jake influences all of these choices. In that sense, my priorities have definitely changed as I want to make sure that we're giving Jake the best start in life, so I'll make sure that our spare time is structured around giving him new experiences, plenty of play time and surround him with people who will show him unconditional love and positive regard.
I would also say that my priorities have changed in a bigger way. I have travelled a fair bit and seen lots of the world, and I still feel the wanderlust whenever I look at maps or book a flight. Another friend is on the verge of jetting off on a long term travel across the world having recently been on a long trip through Europe. His first trip was in the PBE and I distinctly remember reading his emails and looking at his photos with a big sense of envy, jealousy and regret that I wasn't out there travelling. Now he's off on a bigger and longer journey and I find myself excited for him and looking forward to his news, but not jealous or upset that he's going and I'm not. I put this down to Jake and that I find a different sense of awe, wonder and pleasure from being his father, playing with him, teaching him, watching him develop his own personality that matches or even overcomes my desire to see the world and explore new places. I also know that the world will still be there when Jake is old enough to experience it with me, and I yearn to be one of those families who treks across Vietnam or goes on safari in Africa when their kids are old enough to appreciate it.
Having said all of this, I think that my overall priorities are similar, just with a different emphasis and a different way of getting there. I still burn to make a difference to the world around me, and I can now do this through Jake as well as my work and my actions. I still like to see my friends, play board games, go running and write, all of which are possible with Jake and those that aren't so compatible I can negotiate time with my wife to make sure those priorities still happen. I still love to spend time with my wife and this is simply augmented by a bouncing, chattering, happy little man running around between us.
Sunday, 27 April 2014
Monday, 21 April 2014
The follow up
Time for a quick spot check on my new year's resolutions:
1. Look for the positives in others - I think this is one of my biggest successes this year and one that I keep coming back to keep myself in check. With Jake growing up and more able/willing to be outside playing in a meaningful manner, I see more and more fathers and it makes my heart sing looking for dads fully engaging with their children and taking leaves from their books. It's interesting to see lots of different approaches to things like building courage, resilience and empathy, but the main thing is that it happens and the kids know they are loved and valued.
2. Being in the moment more - I'm now much more aware of times when I am zoning out, or not giving my full attention to Jake when it's just me and him and I'm able to call time on myself to fully appreciate each moment with him. It may sound sappy, but the quick pace of change and development combined with his upcoming 2nd birthday means that I'm aware that each stage is precious and I want to make the most of it. That, and he's now very good at coming and tugging on my clothes and saying "daddy" if he really wants my attention!
3. Listen more - I think one of the things that I'm most proud of about the way my wife and I parent is that we continue to discuss the big decisions. Sometimes we don't get it right, and sometimes we don't agree, but I know what her views and vice versa. It's interesting discussing different approaches to things like saying "no" and how to help Jake learn the boundaries for play and social interactions. Quite often we'll agree to try something and be ready to change it if it doesn't work out.
4. Be more creative - this is the ongoing challenge, for me at least. With this blog post in mind, I picked up some crayons and paper the other day and try to spend a little time with Jake each day just making marks and playing around with colours. When we visited some friends over the weekend, they had some chalk and paving slabs and again we had a lot of fun playing with those. These little activities mean that being more creative and artistic is a little easier so I will be looking for more ways to do this in the coming months.
5. Blog more - what an epic fail. This is my third post of the year, and while I can make excuses, I don't want to. I keep coming up with ideas for posts, little things I want to comment on and make memories of, but I then get caught up in day to day life. I'll put this one at the top of my to-do list and start making a list of post titles to expand on when I have time.
1. Look for the positives in others - I think this is one of my biggest successes this year and one that I keep coming back to keep myself in check. With Jake growing up and more able/willing to be outside playing in a meaningful manner, I see more and more fathers and it makes my heart sing looking for dads fully engaging with their children and taking leaves from their books. It's interesting to see lots of different approaches to things like building courage, resilience and empathy, but the main thing is that it happens and the kids know they are loved and valued.
2. Being in the moment more - I'm now much more aware of times when I am zoning out, or not giving my full attention to Jake when it's just me and him and I'm able to call time on myself to fully appreciate each moment with him. It may sound sappy, but the quick pace of change and development combined with his upcoming 2nd birthday means that I'm aware that each stage is precious and I want to make the most of it. That, and he's now very good at coming and tugging on my clothes and saying "daddy" if he really wants my attention!
3. Listen more - I think one of the things that I'm most proud of about the way my wife and I parent is that we continue to discuss the big decisions. Sometimes we don't get it right, and sometimes we don't agree, but I know what her views and vice versa. It's interesting discussing different approaches to things like saying "no" and how to help Jake learn the boundaries for play and social interactions. Quite often we'll agree to try something and be ready to change it if it doesn't work out.
4. Be more creative - this is the ongoing challenge, for me at least. With this blog post in mind, I picked up some crayons and paper the other day and try to spend a little time with Jake each day just making marks and playing around with colours. When we visited some friends over the weekend, they had some chalk and paving slabs and again we had a lot of fun playing with those. These little activities mean that being more creative and artistic is a little easier so I will be looking for more ways to do this in the coming months.
5. Blog more - what an epic fail. This is my third post of the year, and while I can make excuses, I don't want to. I keep coming up with ideas for posts, little things I want to comment on and make memories of, but I then get caught up in day to day life. I'll put this one at the top of my to-do list and start making a list of post titles to expand on when I have time.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)