Changing perspectives

My New Year's resolutions post has been playing on my mind a lot since I wrote it, and it has definitely motivated me to be more focussed on Jake when I'm spending time with him. It's hard not to, to be fair, as it's almost too enjoyable watching him sort everything and rough and tumble (I can no longer lie on the floor without being pounced upon and ridden like a horse). 

This, however, is not the main thrust of this post. I know that I've been guilty in the past of judging other fathers for conforming to traditional stereotypes, but since writing my last blog post, I've made a conscious effort to spot fatherhood being portrayed more positively. So far, this change in my expectations has seen a change in what I've seen, including:

• Many more posts/pictures on Facebook from my male friends with kids, all singing their praises and all actively engaged with their kids. For some, I'm not friends with their wives/girlfriends, so I only see one side of their family life, but even so it's comforting to know that there are so many other men out there who take pride and pleasure being a father.
• Runners with strollers. It may be that January is a big time for runners of all persuasions as people try to shake the Christmas pounds, but there were a good number of men out with their babies at Park run last Saturday and again it makes me feel better, that I'm not doing something strange by taking my baby out running with me. Admittedly, I saw most of them as they overtook me, but this only motivates me to get out training more and come back quicker next week.
• Publicity. Just before we left the US, I saw a couple of adverts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inxDmPi15yk is one) which led me onto some interesting research. www.fatherhood.gov is a fascinating site, full of ideas to do with your kids, an interesting blog and a mentoring program that I would desperately love to become a part of when we move back to the US. I'm not sure if something exists in the UK, but given the amount of support that was available to my wife (she still remains in contact with some her mum and baby group members 19 months later on), it seems that there is a gap to be exploited to engage as many new fathers as possible.

All of these have helped me to change my outlook, and it's much easier now to find examples of good fathering. Resolution 1, ticked off (but will be ongoing). What's next?

New Year's Resolutions

We were sitting this afternoon with Kelsey's parents, her aunt and uncle and naturally the discussion turned to New Year's Resolutions. The usual ones of eating healthily, going to the gym and being more patient were thrown about, but when it came to my turn, I wasn't sure. My default setting with resolutions is that I shouldn't need a specific time of year to kick start a change in my behaviour, but given the changes in my life over the last year or so, I started thinking.

My brain immediately went to my work life, but that is so fraught with different targets, goals and ideas that it would be hard to pick just one. The sparsity of posts on here made me think that resolutions focussing on my job as Jake's father might make sense, so I started making some notes:

1. Look for the positives in others - I take pride in being a fully engaged father and like making sure that I'm taking equal care of Jake both at home and out and about. However, I know that I've been guilty of looking for other fathers not stepping up in the same way that I do, so my first resolution is to take note of other fathers doing a good job. After all, one of the big things that I've learned about being a father is that there is no one right way to go about it, so I need to judge less and appreciate more.

2. Be in the moment more - I need to be a little careful with this one as the pressures of my work life does mean that I'm tired easily at home, and also putting a lot of stress on my wife in terms of my emotional needs. This combination means that sometimes in the evenings or weekends, Jake wants to play, but I just want to zone out. Fortunately, he's a happy little bear and will entertain himself running from room to room for a while. Whilst this works well for us, having had 2 weeks on holiday where I've been much more relaxed and ready to play at all times, I'm aware that I want to keep this "in the moment" approach going where possible.

3. Listen more - I'm incredibly fortunate to be married to and parent with someone who's personal views on raising a child are incredibly close to mine. At the beginning, it was easy to present a consistent approach as Jake was effectively an eat-sleep-poop machine. As Jake develops his own personality and begins to explore boundaries, it will be increasingly important to listen to each other to make sure we're giving Jake a united front, even in the face of some of his more hilarious antics.

4. Be more creative - This is possibly the biggest, change that I want to make. My current form of playing with Jake is very physical, chasing him around, picking him up and spinning him around, and whilst we also have some quiet construction and reading time, I want to try and incorporate more creative times. We attempted painting once with funny side effects and he does various creative things at nursery, but I want to try doing more artistic and musical things at home. Hopefully his new percussion set and finger painting kit from Christmas will help!

5. Blog more - I forget how much I enjoy writing until I start doing it again, so I'm going to aim to write at least once a month, and hopefully more. Hopefully.

NB These are all dreams of what I'd like to improve on this year. I'll hopefully come back and examine them in a later posts, but with no promises that I'll have reached them all!