One of my favourite things about Jake growing up is his increased awareness of the world around him and the people in it. The sheer delight on his face when I go to get him up from a sleep still melts my heart, as does the little voice saying "'Ello Daddy!" and whilst he's currently calling my wife by her first name, he still recognises her as Mummy and goes to find her every morning.
Beyond that, his recognition of our friends and family is slowly increasing, but it's interesting to see who he remembers, which names he can recall and how he groups people together. For example, he now knows his 4 grandparents by sight (even through a grainy Skype connection!) and gets their names right most of the time. However, both Grandpa and Papa go by Papa, and when we went to see his great grandmother (going by the name Baba in the family) he initially talked to her as Granny, as being someone older with white hair. I have explained to him the brownie points to be earned by getting people's names right, especially grandparents.
When it comes to aunts, uncles and cousins, he's less confident. However, he knows the names of my sister's kids and found pictures of them the other day at Baba's house and came running in calling their names. He also picked them out during a family Skype conversation and delights in their company every time we see them. It may be that they spend a significant amount of time playing with him whenever we get together, or that they're closer in age to him so are that more interesting to be around. In either case, it's cute to watch. He's aware of his Aunts and can just about do names, but definitely recognises them on sight as people who will adore him and play with him (which also most of the rest of the world). Uncles he's a little less sure about, but that's also probably because we don't see them as much.
Our friends are an interesting mix as none of the ones we see regularly have kids and even those who we see on a frequent basis, Jake still takes a little time to remember who they are and that they are nice people to be around. On the whole, he tolerates their presence in our house but will definitely play with them if they get on the floor with him. There are a few exceptions, especially on our softball team, who he actively smiles at when we get there and who he will seek out as playmates during the game. There's a certain amount of Jake's trust to be won through reciprocity and engagement, but the rest must be down to the smell, or small body language cues, as he has been known to lend Hobbes (a sign that you've joined his inner circle of trust) to effective strangers and withold his affection from some of our closest friends for months.
As his language and communication skills continue to develop, it will be interesting to see if the way in which he engages with our friends and family also changes.
Thursday, 28 August 2014
Tuesday, 26 August 2014
Speech and language
More juice. Ank oo Daddy. Papa truck gone? Just a small section of the daily burblings of Jake who after mastering walking, pocket use and climbing stairs is now tackling mankind's biggest achievement - language. The drive to communicate has always been there, whether it's a cry in the night for food or comfort to tugging on trouser legs (or in Jake's case physically pushing and pulling people) to get what he wants.
Words slowly form out of the babble of noises, though we're not entirely sure what we'd count his first official word to be (we think "up" or "more" though they don't make for interesting stories like my wife, whose first word was her dog) and he's now starting to stitch them together into short sentences. At this point, he still has a small number of clearly defined words, though "Daddy" and "Hobbie" (more on Hobbes in another post!) are a couple of them. However, he's learning more and more each week and working out how to put them together to express more ideas. For example, he's slowly starting to learn the names of people close to us, and sticking the word "here" after their name shows his delight at their attendance. He's also got the idea of rising intonation and a head tilt to ask a question, so after seeing my parents on Skype the other day, he looked at me and said "Grandpa here?". All sorts of interesting connections being made every day.
We've recently taken him for a hearing test (slightly undermined by the fact that one of the objects they used to get his attention was a train. Jake. Loves. Trains. At that point, the test was over as all he wanted to happen was for the "choo choo" to light up) as we're concerned that he's slurring some of his sounds and doesn't appear to make others. The results were inconclusive but we think that two things will make a difference: Firstly, he's moving up to the big boy room at nursery, where he'll be surrounded by verbal children up to the age of 4 and given how much he learns simply by watching and copying, I think his vocabulary and speech clarity will dramatically increase.
The second, and harder change, is to get rid of his pacifier. We've always used it as an alternative to having him suck his thumb for comfort (there's enough bad teeth genes that we figured he doesn't need any help!), but the speech lady said that it can cause noises that only he can here that may be blocking out some of the letter sounds that he's struggling to produce. We've decided to only give him his pacifier at night to help him sleep and to be fair to him, each of the last two mornings he's woken up the first thing he's done when I've gone in to get him (after saying "hello Daddy") is to hand me his pacifier. It's been a tough couple of days as when he's calm and happy, it's not an issue, but when he starts to get tired or upset, he starts calling for it and gets frustrated when we don't give to him. As always, we aim to distract him, which works most of the time, and he's starting to ask for it less and less each day. I guess it's a question of being brave enough in ourselves to trust our judgements and ride out the tantrums (and explain to our friends and family what we're trying to do and not that we're just trying to piss off our child!) until he finds other ways to calm himself down.
Hopefully, both of these changes will impact on his speech and he'll continue this amazing acquisition of language unhindered and with the same delight that he learns all of his new tricks.
Words slowly form out of the babble of noises, though we're not entirely sure what we'd count his first official word to be (we think "up" or "more" though they don't make for interesting stories like my wife, whose first word was her dog) and he's now starting to stitch them together into short sentences. At this point, he still has a small number of clearly defined words, though "Daddy" and "Hobbie" (more on Hobbes in another post!) are a couple of them. However, he's learning more and more each week and working out how to put them together to express more ideas. For example, he's slowly starting to learn the names of people close to us, and sticking the word "here" after their name shows his delight at their attendance. He's also got the idea of rising intonation and a head tilt to ask a question, so after seeing my parents on Skype the other day, he looked at me and said "Grandpa here?". All sorts of interesting connections being made every day.
We've recently taken him for a hearing test (slightly undermined by the fact that one of the objects they used to get his attention was a train. Jake. Loves. Trains. At that point, the test was over as all he wanted to happen was for the "choo choo" to light up) as we're concerned that he's slurring some of his sounds and doesn't appear to make others. The results were inconclusive but we think that two things will make a difference: Firstly, he's moving up to the big boy room at nursery, where he'll be surrounded by verbal children up to the age of 4 and given how much he learns simply by watching and copying, I think his vocabulary and speech clarity will dramatically increase.
The second, and harder change, is to get rid of his pacifier. We've always used it as an alternative to having him suck his thumb for comfort (there's enough bad teeth genes that we figured he doesn't need any help!), but the speech lady said that it can cause noises that only he can here that may be blocking out some of the letter sounds that he's struggling to produce. We've decided to only give him his pacifier at night to help him sleep and to be fair to him, each of the last two mornings he's woken up the first thing he's done when I've gone in to get him (after saying "hello Daddy") is to hand me his pacifier. It's been a tough couple of days as when he's calm and happy, it's not an issue, but when he starts to get tired or upset, he starts calling for it and gets frustrated when we don't give to him. As always, we aim to distract him, which works most of the time, and he's starting to ask for it less and less each day. I guess it's a question of being brave enough in ourselves to trust our judgements and ride out the tantrums (and explain to our friends and family what we're trying to do and not that we're just trying to piss off our child!) until he finds other ways to calm himself down.
Hopefully, both of these changes will impact on his speech and he'll continue this amazing acquisition of language unhindered and with the same delight that he learns all of his new tricks.
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
Jake at 2
My wife discovered another baby blog where the author had written a letter to their child on their birthday each year and included some money towards their college fund. Whilst I won't be including any money with this post, I was delighted to find that I had written Jake a letter this time last year, so will be able to continue the tradition. As always, I'm a few days late, but here it is:
Dear Jake/Bear/Bjorn,
You've just turned 2 and I can't believe how quickly the last year has gone. I remember when you were first born and we were measuring your life in days. Our minds boggled when you turned one full month, but these last 12 months seemed to have whizzed past. However, with the time to take stock and reflect, so much has changed that I'm still surprised that you're still the same person who was bum shuffling around on Matt and Vix's garden last year.
Firstly, you can walk, and run, and jump (well sort of, we'll dig out the video of you doing a "star jump" with Aliya at Auntie Caz's wedding) which has changed everything. You walk everywhere (apart from when you demand to be carried) and you still crack us up when you bring our shoes then your shoes and stand pointing at the front door, ready for a walk. This walking leads you all sorts of places and means that play parks are so much more fun. It also means you've started carrying stuff around, especially rocks and sand, which to me marks your transition from a baby into the wonderful little boy you're turning into.
You're also starting to talk, and whilst you've only got 20 or so words at the moment, you make each of them count and it's always clear exactly what you want to happen (whether we agree with you or not is another issue!). It won't be long before you start chattering in full sentences, but for now, we love your ability to manipulate your world with pointing, tugging and babbling.
I think my favourite thing about this last year is seeing your personality develop. You've always had a great sense of humour, but you've now found ways to make yourself laugh and every day you find new ways to find yourself funny (like putting bowls on top of your head to use as a helmet). The word "Chuggington" sends you into paroxysms of giggles and bursts of excitement and you get endlessly frustrated when we have to shut it down or when it doesn't load quick enough.
I want to finish with a description of Sunday, which I think demonstrates a perfect example of who you are at age 2. You woke up chatting to yourself and Hobbes (oh Hobbes, I hope one day you'll love me and your mum as much as you love Hobbes) so we got you up and fed you some milk and cereal. You then came into the living room and played with your toys, mainly cars and trains but a few Duplo bricks thrown in good for measure. You like to line them up and then move the cars around, making brum brum noises to yourself.
Given that you'd decided to stop napping in the day time, Uncle Jim, Papa and I took you out, over a very steep hill (good thing Mum wasn't with us!) for a steam train journey. Fortunately, the steam train was about the right size for you, rather than us, so you absolutely loved it. I've never seen anyone so excited to be on a train and you wore the biggest smile on your face for the whole ride there.
We got to Ravenglass and went to the beach where you happily wandered around, finding rocks and sticks and filled your pockets with pebbles. You looked like such a little boy (rather than a toddler) and we could have stayed there all day.
Sadly we had to catch the train home, and you decided you wanted to sit inside the carriage again. You quite happily shut the door on us, waved us away with a big smile on your face and when I came back a minute later to get you, you were cuddling and chatting to Hobbes. When we finally got all in the same carriage, you spent the first part of the ride home looking out of the window and taking your shoes off (you do this a lot!).
You started to get tired, so you came for a cuddle and I could feel your whole body relax into mine. With the sun streaming into the carriage and beautiful scenery rolling by, I think I could have stayed like that forever. I know that you'll come to us less and less for cuddles and comfort over the years, but it really brought home just how much I love being your father and being there for you when you need me. As you will do in the rest of your life, you got back up and got on with things.
So there you are: a happy, chatty, confident little boy who is able to make friends and win the hearts of all your aunts and uncles (capitalised and not). Your third year will bring even more changes that we can't even imagine, but I know that you will continue to inspire the same love, devotion and pride that fills my every waking moment with you.
Dad.
Dear Jake/Bear/Bjorn,
You've just turned 2 and I can't believe how quickly the last year has gone. I remember when you were first born and we were measuring your life in days. Our minds boggled when you turned one full month, but these last 12 months seemed to have whizzed past. However, with the time to take stock and reflect, so much has changed that I'm still surprised that you're still the same person who was bum shuffling around on Matt and Vix's garden last year.
Firstly, you can walk, and run, and jump (well sort of, we'll dig out the video of you doing a "star jump" with Aliya at Auntie Caz's wedding) which has changed everything. You walk everywhere (apart from when you demand to be carried) and you still crack us up when you bring our shoes then your shoes and stand pointing at the front door, ready for a walk. This walking leads you all sorts of places and means that play parks are so much more fun. It also means you've started carrying stuff around, especially rocks and sand, which to me marks your transition from a baby into the wonderful little boy you're turning into.
You're also starting to talk, and whilst you've only got 20 or so words at the moment, you make each of them count and it's always clear exactly what you want to happen (whether we agree with you or not is another issue!). It won't be long before you start chattering in full sentences, but for now, we love your ability to manipulate your world with pointing, tugging and babbling.
I think my favourite thing about this last year is seeing your personality develop. You've always had a great sense of humour, but you've now found ways to make yourself laugh and every day you find new ways to find yourself funny (like putting bowls on top of your head to use as a helmet). The word "Chuggington" sends you into paroxysms of giggles and bursts of excitement and you get endlessly frustrated when we have to shut it down or when it doesn't load quick enough.
I want to finish with a description of Sunday, which I think demonstrates a perfect example of who you are at age 2. You woke up chatting to yourself and Hobbes (oh Hobbes, I hope one day you'll love me and your mum as much as you love Hobbes) so we got you up and fed you some milk and cereal. You then came into the living room and played with your toys, mainly cars and trains but a few Duplo bricks thrown in good for measure. You like to line them up and then move the cars around, making brum brum noises to yourself.
Given that you'd decided to stop napping in the day time, Uncle Jim, Papa and I took you out, over a very steep hill (good thing Mum wasn't with us!) for a steam train journey. Fortunately, the steam train was about the right size for you, rather than us, so you absolutely loved it. I've never seen anyone so excited to be on a train and you wore the biggest smile on your face for the whole ride there.
We got to Ravenglass and went to the beach where you happily wandered around, finding rocks and sticks and filled your pockets with pebbles. You looked like such a little boy (rather than a toddler) and we could have stayed there all day.
Sadly we had to catch the train home, and you decided you wanted to sit inside the carriage again. You quite happily shut the door on us, waved us away with a big smile on your face and when I came back a minute later to get you, you were cuddling and chatting to Hobbes. When we finally got all in the same carriage, you spent the first part of the ride home looking out of the window and taking your shoes off (you do this a lot!).
You started to get tired, so you came for a cuddle and I could feel your whole body relax into mine. With the sun streaming into the carriage and beautiful scenery rolling by, I think I could have stayed like that forever. I know that you'll come to us less and less for cuddles and comfort over the years, but it really brought home just how much I love being your father and being there for you when you need me. As you will do in the rest of your life, you got back up and got on with things.
So there you are: a happy, chatty, confident little boy who is able to make friends and win the hearts of all your aunts and uncles (capitalised and not). Your third year will bring even more changes that we can't even imagine, but I know that you will continue to inspire the same love, devotion and pride that fills my every waking moment with you.
Dad.
Saturday, 17 May 2014
Two for the price of one
This one has been rumbling around since, well probably since I started to write this whole blog, but I feel it's the right time to start this train of thought now with some of the recent events happening. We've always talked about wanting multiple children which in itself is a strange thought to have. Logically, having one child should be enough as you can pour all of your love, time and money at giving them the best possible start in life, but for some reason it doesn't seem enough. I guess part of it is that we both are one of three children and have good, healthy and strong relationships with our sisters (no natural uncles for Jake! No English uncles for Jake either for that matter!) and I think we both want Jake to have that experience. However, we've always talked about having just two and the more entrenched our plans become, the more unlikely we are to deviate from those plans.
I mentioned the recent events that prompted this post, so I'll try and enumerate some of them. The first is that Jake is growing (no surprise there) and growing to such an extent that he's not far off filling his whole cot. I remember when we first put him in there and he looked so tiny; amazing how times change. We've put a lot of thought into his next bed which in turn has got us talking a lot about our plans for the second baby as there will be (according to the current version of The Plan) a few months when Baby 2 is old enough for the cot and we're still in our 2 bedroom house in England. The nursery isn't a huge space, but will sleep the two of them with all their clothes and some books for bedtime quite comfortably as long as we're clever with storage and furniture. To this end, we bought Jake's first toddler bed last weekend and the mattress looks enormous! I'm sure at some point he'll grow out of it as he has with the cot, but it's another sign of our little boy growing up. We probably won't move him out of the cot till we're back from the States in August, but that change will be a big one when it comes.
Another recent event is the fact that quite a few people that we know are planning on getting pregnant in the near future, which again has got us talking and structuring The Plan. We've always talked about having the second baby over here to make use of the free health care and amazing maternity leave, but the draw to the US becomes stronger each time we visit. However, we've made the firm commitment to ourselves that whilst our hearts say go, our heads know we should stay and see The Plan out till the summer of 2016. Interestingly, in all its versions, we've never got this close to the conclusion of The Plan, having always changed and extended it in previous years. I think the fact that we carried out the Jake project successfully and on time has given us the impetus and the belief to stick to The Plan with the knowledge that it'll happen.
Finally, our worries about how Jake will cope with a younger sibling are lessening. There's a brand new baby at his nursery who is often there when I drop him off and he goes over and smiles, cooing "baby" at it and giggling. He's also taken to taking a soft toy (most often Hobbes but sometimes other bears too) around and looking after them as we do to him. This often cracks me up as he pretends to put a pacifier in their mouths or feed them some food, but the best so far has been when I'm pretty sure he put Hobbes in time out, then picked him up and cuddled him to say sorry. Needless to say, Hobbes didn't do it again.
It's interesting seeing our conversations returning to familiar patterns, ones that we had in the build up to having Jake. We've talked endlessly about the finances and the space (both a little tighter than last time around), discussed possible names till we've exhausted just about all combinations (we're all set for a girl and are narrowing down our boy options) and tried to imagine the future with two of them. I was famously quoted in the immediate aftermath of Jake's birth as saying "there's only one of him and two of us; how hard can it be?" (the short answer is: very!) but I don't think I'll be making a similar comment when Baby 2 rocks up. However, if our experience with Jake is anything to by, it'll be exciting, exhausting and a whole new set of experiences for all three of us.
I mentioned the recent events that prompted this post, so I'll try and enumerate some of them. The first is that Jake is growing (no surprise there) and growing to such an extent that he's not far off filling his whole cot. I remember when we first put him in there and he looked so tiny; amazing how times change. We've put a lot of thought into his next bed which in turn has got us talking a lot about our plans for the second baby as there will be (according to the current version of The Plan) a few months when Baby 2 is old enough for the cot and we're still in our 2 bedroom house in England. The nursery isn't a huge space, but will sleep the two of them with all their clothes and some books for bedtime quite comfortably as long as we're clever with storage and furniture. To this end, we bought Jake's first toddler bed last weekend and the mattress looks enormous! I'm sure at some point he'll grow out of it as he has with the cot, but it's another sign of our little boy growing up. We probably won't move him out of the cot till we're back from the States in August, but that change will be a big one when it comes.
Another recent event is the fact that quite a few people that we know are planning on getting pregnant in the near future, which again has got us talking and structuring The Plan. We've always talked about having the second baby over here to make use of the free health care and amazing maternity leave, but the draw to the US becomes stronger each time we visit. However, we've made the firm commitment to ourselves that whilst our hearts say go, our heads know we should stay and see The Plan out till the summer of 2016. Interestingly, in all its versions, we've never got this close to the conclusion of The Plan, having always changed and extended it in previous years. I think the fact that we carried out the Jake project successfully and on time has given us the impetus and the belief to stick to The Plan with the knowledge that it'll happen.
Finally, our worries about how Jake will cope with a younger sibling are lessening. There's a brand new baby at his nursery who is often there when I drop him off and he goes over and smiles, cooing "baby" at it and giggling. He's also taken to taking a soft toy (most often Hobbes but sometimes other bears too) around and looking after them as we do to him. This often cracks me up as he pretends to put a pacifier in their mouths or feed them some food, but the best so far has been when I'm pretty sure he put Hobbes in time out, then picked him up and cuddled him to say sorry. Needless to say, Hobbes didn't do it again.
It's interesting seeing our conversations returning to familiar patterns, ones that we had in the build up to having Jake. We've talked endlessly about the finances and the space (both a little tighter than last time around), discussed possible names till we've exhausted just about all combinations (we're all set for a girl and are narrowing down our boy options) and tried to imagine the future with two of them. I was famously quoted in the immediate aftermath of Jake's birth as saying "there's only one of him and two of us; how hard can it be?" (the short answer is: very!) but I don't think I'll be making a similar comment when Baby 2 rocks up. However, if our experience with Jake is anything to by, it'll be exciting, exhausting and a whole new set of experiences for all three of us.
Sunday, 11 May 2014
Clear Intentions
Watching a child learn language is fascinating at the best of times, whether it's someone in my class at school learning the difference between 'desert' and 'dessert' or seeing how Jake learns to use sounds to manipulate the world around him. It makes you stop and think about how amazing the human brain is when it comes to communicating. Jake learns so much by copying our actions, but there's no way for me to teach him how to use his vocal chords or how to differentiate between the thousands of words he hears to learn names and instructions for the things that surround him.
Jake's coming up on two and a lot of babies that we know who are a similar age to him are going through the massive language spurt that happens around this sort of age. Jake isn't, but is very clear about his intentions, desires and interests even with a very limited vocabulary. Discernable words at this moment include "up", "mummy", "daddy" (though these two are used indiscriminately between us), "please", "more" and "Hobbee" (his favourite stuffed toy, more of which in another post). He can also manage "yes" and "no" and with these words to hand, he uses a variety of gestures, pointing and trouser pulling to let you know what he wants to happen. I find it incredible, and very charming, when he goes to get my shoes, points to his coat and the door, meaning that we're set for an outdoor adventure, and I find it hard to resist these requests.
There are two moments that inspired this post. The first happened last weekend at my parents' house. It was coming up to nap time and he was getting grouchy and started to cry. As I picked him up and took his shoes off ready for a snooze, he started to howl but managed to get the word "gogurt" out before I left the room. I stopped and looked at him. He looked back at me and as I sat him down with a yoghurt, the crying stopped and he pretty much inhaled the whole thing. I think I was as happy that he finally decided to eat as I was happy to positively reward the use of language to name his needs.
The second happened today as we walked outside with no particular agenda in mind on one of Jake's "let's go outside, Daddy" trips. We wandered past my car and he ran up to it and pointed to his door (where his car seat is). I told him it was locked, so he glared at me and made a gesture with his hand that could only be the action that I use to press the button to unlock the car. I almost wet myself laughing and unlocked the car for him, which in turn got him giggling. His intentions could not have been any clearer as to what he wanted me to do.
As Jake gets older, I think my wife and I worry less about him reaching his developmental milestones on time. So far, he's yet to miss one, and seems to wait until the last possible moment (i.e. the day before we call the doctors to see if there's anything wrong with him) to stress us out. I think it's more that he opts for the easy option and will only make the next step when it's too frustrating to stay with the status quo. That's how it was for him walking and learning to eat, and I'm sure that's how it will be with his speech, toilet training and future milestones. Whilst he's happy, friendly and curious about the world, I couldn't care less.
Jake's coming up on two and a lot of babies that we know who are a similar age to him are going through the massive language spurt that happens around this sort of age. Jake isn't, but is very clear about his intentions, desires and interests even with a very limited vocabulary. Discernable words at this moment include "up", "mummy", "daddy" (though these two are used indiscriminately between us), "please", "more" and "Hobbee" (his favourite stuffed toy, more of which in another post). He can also manage "yes" and "no" and with these words to hand, he uses a variety of gestures, pointing and trouser pulling to let you know what he wants to happen. I find it incredible, and very charming, when he goes to get my shoes, points to his coat and the door, meaning that we're set for an outdoor adventure, and I find it hard to resist these requests.
There are two moments that inspired this post. The first happened last weekend at my parents' house. It was coming up to nap time and he was getting grouchy and started to cry. As I picked him up and took his shoes off ready for a snooze, he started to howl but managed to get the word "gogurt" out before I left the room. I stopped and looked at him. He looked back at me and as I sat him down with a yoghurt, the crying stopped and he pretty much inhaled the whole thing. I think I was as happy that he finally decided to eat as I was happy to positively reward the use of language to name his needs.
The second happened today as we walked outside with no particular agenda in mind on one of Jake's "let's go outside, Daddy" trips. We wandered past my car and he ran up to it and pointed to his door (where his car seat is). I told him it was locked, so he glared at me and made a gesture with his hand that could only be the action that I use to press the button to unlock the car. I almost wet myself laughing and unlocked the car for him, which in turn got him giggling. His intentions could not have been any clearer as to what he wanted me to do.
As Jake gets older, I think my wife and I worry less about him reaching his developmental milestones on time. So far, he's yet to miss one, and seems to wait until the last possible moment (i.e. the day before we call the doctors to see if there's anything wrong with him) to stress us out. I think it's more that he opts for the easy option and will only make the next step when it's too frustrating to stay with the status quo. That's how it was for him walking and learning to eat, and I'm sure that's how it will be with his speech, toilet training and future milestones. Whilst he's happy, friendly and curious about the world, I couldn't care less.
Sunday, 27 April 2014
Priorities
An interesting conversation happened last weekend with one of my friends who amongst several drinks made the announcement that they were thinking of having children in the near future. I had to contain my excitement as I don't want to be one of those parents who thinks that everyone else should procreate just because I have. However, it's always going to be exciting when people I know decide to become parents and I'll have to rein in my instincts to hand out advice left, right and centre (more on that in another post).
The most interesting part of the conversation was about priorities and how they change when you have children. It's not a lie when they say that having a child changes your life forever, not only in the day to day stuff of when you get up, what you do, where you go and who you see, but also in the way that Jake influences all of these choices. In that sense, my priorities have definitely changed as I want to make sure that we're giving Jake the best start in life, so I'll make sure that our spare time is structured around giving him new experiences, plenty of play time and surround him with people who will show him unconditional love and positive regard.
I would also say that my priorities have changed in a bigger way. I have travelled a fair bit and seen lots of the world, and I still feel the wanderlust whenever I look at maps or book a flight. Another friend is on the verge of jetting off on a long term travel across the world having recently been on a long trip through Europe. His first trip was in the PBE and I distinctly remember reading his emails and looking at his photos with a big sense of envy, jealousy and regret that I wasn't out there travelling. Now he's off on a bigger and longer journey and I find myself excited for him and looking forward to his news, but not jealous or upset that he's going and I'm not. I put this down to Jake and that I find a different sense of awe, wonder and pleasure from being his father, playing with him, teaching him, watching him develop his own personality that matches or even overcomes my desire to see the world and explore new places. I also know that the world will still be there when Jake is old enough to experience it with me, and I yearn to be one of those families who treks across Vietnam or goes on safari in Africa when their kids are old enough to appreciate it.
Having said all of this, I think that my overall priorities are similar, just with a different emphasis and a different way of getting there. I still burn to make a difference to the world around me, and I can now do this through Jake as well as my work and my actions. I still like to see my friends, play board games, go running and write, all of which are possible with Jake and those that aren't so compatible I can negotiate time with my wife to make sure those priorities still happen. I still love to spend time with my wife and this is simply augmented by a bouncing, chattering, happy little man running around between us.
The most interesting part of the conversation was about priorities and how they change when you have children. It's not a lie when they say that having a child changes your life forever, not only in the day to day stuff of when you get up, what you do, where you go and who you see, but also in the way that Jake influences all of these choices. In that sense, my priorities have definitely changed as I want to make sure that we're giving Jake the best start in life, so I'll make sure that our spare time is structured around giving him new experiences, plenty of play time and surround him with people who will show him unconditional love and positive regard.
I would also say that my priorities have changed in a bigger way. I have travelled a fair bit and seen lots of the world, and I still feel the wanderlust whenever I look at maps or book a flight. Another friend is on the verge of jetting off on a long term travel across the world having recently been on a long trip through Europe. His first trip was in the PBE and I distinctly remember reading his emails and looking at his photos with a big sense of envy, jealousy and regret that I wasn't out there travelling. Now he's off on a bigger and longer journey and I find myself excited for him and looking forward to his news, but not jealous or upset that he's going and I'm not. I put this down to Jake and that I find a different sense of awe, wonder and pleasure from being his father, playing with him, teaching him, watching him develop his own personality that matches or even overcomes my desire to see the world and explore new places. I also know that the world will still be there when Jake is old enough to experience it with me, and I yearn to be one of those families who treks across Vietnam or goes on safari in Africa when their kids are old enough to appreciate it.
Having said all of this, I think that my overall priorities are similar, just with a different emphasis and a different way of getting there. I still burn to make a difference to the world around me, and I can now do this through Jake as well as my work and my actions. I still like to see my friends, play board games, go running and write, all of which are possible with Jake and those that aren't so compatible I can negotiate time with my wife to make sure those priorities still happen. I still love to spend time with my wife and this is simply augmented by a bouncing, chattering, happy little man running around between us.
Monday, 21 April 2014
The follow up
Time for a quick spot check on my new year's resolutions:
1. Look for the positives in others - I think this is one of my biggest successes this year and one that I keep coming back to keep myself in check. With Jake growing up and more able/willing to be outside playing in a meaningful manner, I see more and more fathers and it makes my heart sing looking for dads fully engaging with their children and taking leaves from their books. It's interesting to see lots of different approaches to things like building courage, resilience and empathy, but the main thing is that it happens and the kids know they are loved and valued.
2. Being in the moment more - I'm now much more aware of times when I am zoning out, or not giving my full attention to Jake when it's just me and him and I'm able to call time on myself to fully appreciate each moment with him. It may sound sappy, but the quick pace of change and development combined with his upcoming 2nd birthday means that I'm aware that each stage is precious and I want to make the most of it. That, and he's now very good at coming and tugging on my clothes and saying "daddy" if he really wants my attention!
3. Listen more - I think one of the things that I'm most proud of about the way my wife and I parent is that we continue to discuss the big decisions. Sometimes we don't get it right, and sometimes we don't agree, but I know what her views and vice versa. It's interesting discussing different approaches to things like saying "no" and how to help Jake learn the boundaries for play and social interactions. Quite often we'll agree to try something and be ready to change it if it doesn't work out.
4. Be more creative - this is the ongoing challenge, for me at least. With this blog post in mind, I picked up some crayons and paper the other day and try to spend a little time with Jake each day just making marks and playing around with colours. When we visited some friends over the weekend, they had some chalk and paving slabs and again we had a lot of fun playing with those. These little activities mean that being more creative and artistic is a little easier so I will be looking for more ways to do this in the coming months.
5. Blog more - what an epic fail. This is my third post of the year, and while I can make excuses, I don't want to. I keep coming up with ideas for posts, little things I want to comment on and make memories of, but I then get caught up in day to day life. I'll put this one at the top of my to-do list and start making a list of post titles to expand on when I have time.
1. Look for the positives in others - I think this is one of my biggest successes this year and one that I keep coming back to keep myself in check. With Jake growing up and more able/willing to be outside playing in a meaningful manner, I see more and more fathers and it makes my heart sing looking for dads fully engaging with their children and taking leaves from their books. It's interesting to see lots of different approaches to things like building courage, resilience and empathy, but the main thing is that it happens and the kids know they are loved and valued.
2. Being in the moment more - I'm now much more aware of times when I am zoning out, or not giving my full attention to Jake when it's just me and him and I'm able to call time on myself to fully appreciate each moment with him. It may sound sappy, but the quick pace of change and development combined with his upcoming 2nd birthday means that I'm aware that each stage is precious and I want to make the most of it. That, and he's now very good at coming and tugging on my clothes and saying "daddy" if he really wants my attention!
3. Listen more - I think one of the things that I'm most proud of about the way my wife and I parent is that we continue to discuss the big decisions. Sometimes we don't get it right, and sometimes we don't agree, but I know what her views and vice versa. It's interesting discussing different approaches to things like saying "no" and how to help Jake learn the boundaries for play and social interactions. Quite often we'll agree to try something and be ready to change it if it doesn't work out.
4. Be more creative - this is the ongoing challenge, for me at least. With this blog post in mind, I picked up some crayons and paper the other day and try to spend a little time with Jake each day just making marks and playing around with colours. When we visited some friends over the weekend, they had some chalk and paving slabs and again we had a lot of fun playing with those. These little activities mean that being more creative and artistic is a little easier so I will be looking for more ways to do this in the coming months.
5. Blog more - what an epic fail. This is my third post of the year, and while I can make excuses, I don't want to. I keep coming up with ideas for posts, little things I want to comment on and make memories of, but I then get caught up in day to day life. I'll put this one at the top of my to-do list and start making a list of post titles to expand on when I have time.
Monday, 13 January 2014
Changing perspectives
My New Year's resolutions post has been playing on my mind a lot since I wrote it, and it has definitely motivated me to be more focussed on Jake when I'm spending time with him. It's hard not to, to be fair, as it's almost too enjoyable watching him sort everything and rough and tumble (I can no longer lie on the floor without being pounced upon and ridden like a horse).
This, however, is not the main thrust of this post. I know that I've been guilty in the past of judging other fathers for conforming to traditional stereotypes, but since writing my last blog post, I've made a conscious effort to spot fatherhood being portrayed more positively. So far, this change in my expectations has seen a change in what I've seen, including:
- Many more posts/pictures on Facebook from my male friends with kids, all singing their praises and all actively engaged with their kids. For some, I'm not friends with their wives/girlfriends, so I only see one side of their family life, but even so it's comforting to know that there are so many other men out there who take pride and pleasure being a father.
- Runners with strollers. It may be that January is a big time for runners of all persuasions as people try to shake the Christmas pounds, but there were a good number of men out with their babies at Park run last Saturday and again it makes me feel better, that I'm not doing something strange by taking my baby out running with me. Admittedly, I saw most of them as they overtook me, but this only motivates me to get out training more and come back quicker next week.
- Publicity. Just before we left the US, I saw a couple of adverts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inxDmPi15yk is one) which led me onto some interesting research. www.fatherhood.gov is a fascinating site, full of ideas to do with your kids, an interesting blog and a mentoring program that I would desperately love to become a part of when we move back to the US. I'm not sure if something exists in the UK, but given the amount of support that was available to my wife (she still remains in contact with some her mum and baby group members 19 months later on), it seems that there is a gap to be exploited to engage as many new fathers as possible.
All of these have helped me to change my outlook, and it's much easier now to find examples of good fathering. Resolution 1, ticked off (but will be ongoing). What's next?
Wednesday, 1 January 2014
New Year's Resolutions
We were sitting this afternoon with Kelsey's parents, her aunt and uncle and naturally the discussion turned to New Year's Resolutions. The usual ones of eating healthily, going to the gym and being more patient were thrown about, but when it came to my turn, I wasn't sure. My default setting with resolutions is that I shouldn't need a specific time of year to kick start a change in my behaviour, but given the changes in my life over the last year or so, I started thinking.
My brain immediately went to my work life, but that is so fraught with different targets, goals and ideas that it would be hard to pick just one. The sparsity of posts on here made me think that resolutions focussing on my job as Jake's father might make sense, so I started making some notes:
1. Look for the positives in others - I take pride in being a fully engaged father and like making sure that I'm taking equal care of Jake both at home and out and about. However, I know that I've been guilty of looking for other fathers not stepping up in the same way that I do, so my first resolution is to take note of other fathers doing a good job. After all, one of the big things that I've learned about being a father is that there is no one right way to go about it, so I need to judge less and appreciate more.
2. Be in the moment more - I need to be a little careful with this one as the pressures of my work life does mean that I'm tired easily at home, and also putting a lot of stress on my wife in terms of my emotional needs. This combination means that sometimes in the evenings or weekends, Jake wants to play, but I just want to zone out. Fortunately, he's a happy little bear and will entertain himself running from room to room for a while. Whilst this works well for us, having had 2 weeks on holiday where I've been much more relaxed and ready to play at all times, I'm aware that I want to keep this "in the moment" approach going where possible.
3. Listen more - I'm incredibly fortunate to be married to and parent with someone who's personal views on raising a child are incredibly close to mine. At the beginning, it was easy to present a consistent approach as Jake was effectively an eat-sleep-poop machine. As Jake develops his own personality and begins to explore boundaries, it will be increasingly important to listen to each other to make sure we're giving Jake a united front, even in the face of some of his more hilarious antics.
4. Be more creative - This is possibly the biggest, change that I want to make. My current form of playing with Jake is very physical, chasing him around, picking him up and spinning him around, and whilst we also have some quiet construction and reading time, I want to try and incorporate more creative times. We attempted painting once with funny side effects and he does various creative things at nursery, but I want to try doing more artistic and musical things at home. Hopefully his new percussion set and finger painting kit from Christmas will help!
5. Blog more - I forget how much I enjoy writing until I start doing it again, so I'm going to aim to write at least once a month, and hopefully more. Hopefully.
NB These are all dreams of what I'd like to improve on this year. I'll hopefully come back and examine them in a later posts, but with no promises that I'll have reached them all!
My brain immediately went to my work life, but that is so fraught with different targets, goals and ideas that it would be hard to pick just one. The sparsity of posts on here made me think that resolutions focussing on my job as Jake's father might make sense, so I started making some notes:
1. Look for the positives in others - I take pride in being a fully engaged father and like making sure that I'm taking equal care of Jake both at home and out and about. However, I know that I've been guilty of looking for other fathers not stepping up in the same way that I do, so my first resolution is to take note of other fathers doing a good job. After all, one of the big things that I've learned about being a father is that there is no one right way to go about it, so I need to judge less and appreciate more.
2. Be in the moment more - I need to be a little careful with this one as the pressures of my work life does mean that I'm tired easily at home, and also putting a lot of stress on my wife in terms of my emotional needs. This combination means that sometimes in the evenings or weekends, Jake wants to play, but I just want to zone out. Fortunately, he's a happy little bear and will entertain himself running from room to room for a while. Whilst this works well for us, having had 2 weeks on holiday where I've been much more relaxed and ready to play at all times, I'm aware that I want to keep this "in the moment" approach going where possible.
3. Listen more - I'm incredibly fortunate to be married to and parent with someone who's personal views on raising a child are incredibly close to mine. At the beginning, it was easy to present a consistent approach as Jake was effectively an eat-sleep-poop machine. As Jake develops his own personality and begins to explore boundaries, it will be increasingly important to listen to each other to make sure we're giving Jake a united front, even in the face of some of his more hilarious antics.
4. Be more creative - This is possibly the biggest, change that I want to make. My current form of playing with Jake is very physical, chasing him around, picking him up and spinning him around, and whilst we also have some quiet construction and reading time, I want to try and incorporate more creative times. We attempted painting once with funny side effects and he does various creative things at nursery, but I want to try doing more artistic and musical things at home. Hopefully his new percussion set and finger painting kit from Christmas will help!
5. Blog more - I forget how much I enjoy writing until I start doing it again, so I'm going to aim to write at least once a month, and hopefully more. Hopefully.
NB These are all dreams of what I'd like to improve on this year. I'll hopefully come back and examine them in a later posts, but with no promises that I'll have reached them all!
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