The next phase

Monday saw a big landmark for our little family as we took Jake for his first settling in day at his daycare. My wife has carefully researched and visited dozens of local nurseries and after much deliberation we chose Future Prospects House as a good combination between location in terms of getting to work, quality of staff and resources and price. They offer a term time only contract which saves us a good chunk of money each month and means that I get Jake all to myself whilst Kelsey goes to work during the holidays.

The day held a specific significance for us for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it's the first time that we have left Jake with someone we didn't know. Even for the half an hour that we were away for, it's quite a nervous experience leaving your son with someone who doesn't know him and hasn't met him before. However, you quickly learn to trust the fact that these people are well qualified and have years of experience in this field.

The second reason is that up until this point, the idea of my wife returning to work and Jake starting day care has seemed like a long time away, but in reality is a little over a week in the future. I'm not sure that Kelsey is ready to leave the semi-idyllic lifestyle that she leads at the moment, and definitely not to return to her crazy place of work. The visit on Monday came as a bit of a shock and a realisation that all of our carefully constructed routines and timings will go out of the window to be replaced by a new set.

This, of course, will be the pattern of our lives over the next 20 years as Jake (and future little brother/sister) starts kindergarten, then school, then sports clubs, then a social life beyond us and so on. I feel that we're adaptable enough as a family to cope just fine, but it's much more of a marker of the end of the first big chapter of Jake's life and the start of the next adventure than any date or birthday could be.

A few of my favourite times

After my last post about things that make Jake laugh, I thought that it would be appropriate to talk about some of my favourite times being Jake's dad. Please don't take this list to be exhaustive, or to think that at other times I'm not enjoying myself, but these are the highlights of my day/week at this moment, the little sections of time that no-one tells you that will bring you so much quiet joy:

• First thing in the morning - this may sound a little crazy, but the first half an hour after Jake wakes up is possibly my favourite time of all. I'm normally the one who gets him when he wakes up (my wife claims not to hear his cries, I still think she's messing with my head) and since I'm a morning kind of person, I don't mind being wide awake at some point between half 5 and 7. I especially don't mind as once I've got a bottle in his mouth to assuage the terrible hunger, it's incredibly peaceful. I deliberately keep the curtains shut and only turn on the fairy lights behind the chair and there's a wonderful calm feeling as he sits, warm and waking up, in my arms eating. Once he's done, I sit him on my lap and we smile and giggle at each other. He'll play with my hands, the cord on my dressing gown and the arms of the chair and chatter to me. It's always cut short (during the week at least) by the fact that I've got to go to work, but I never mind as it takes me to another favourite time.
• Dropping him off with mummy - as mentioned before, my wife is a heavy sleeper (or a very good pretender!), but sadly I can't take Jake to work with me (though I think the kids would love him!) so I have to wake her up to take him whilst I shower and get ready for the day. She sleepily moves across and makes space for him on the pillow and his little face lights up as he realises what's happening. He starts to babble at her, stroking her face and smiling his head off and it fills me with such pleasure to see this. I always come back upstairs before I need to leave and lie down so that Jake is between us. He'll stretch his arms towards me and I've taken to scooping him up and giving him a big bear hug and a squeeze that gets a squeal of enjoyment out of him. This often turns into a bit of game, and it's one of the primary reasons that I'm often a few minutes late for work.
• Food shopping - Monday night food shopping has been the preserve of the men in the house for months now (we consider ourselves to be the hunter gatherers in the family) and what started out as a way to give my wife an hour's break has turned to a highlight of my week. Jake will happily sing to his feet in the car ride over to the supermarket and then continues as we go round the store. Every now and again he'll catch my eye in the middle of an aisle and burst out laughing. I talk to him throughout and try getting him to laugh by running with the trolley. It's a dangerous game, especially if it's busy, and made even more dangerous by the fact that he will stretch his arms out to grab anything that goes near him. He always makes friends at the checkout and it feels more like a play session rather than a chore that needs doing. 
• Walking - right from the word go I've walked places with Jake. It's taken me on routes of discovery all over the place, from the woods behind my house to great swathes of the Leeds Country Way (more on that in another blog!). A combination of my own fascination with finding views out over the world and Jake's love of the outdoors, and trees in particular, means that walks are always a peaceful time. We chatter, Jake just burbling with contentment, me about work, my thoughts, the future, whatever is on my mind. The exercise and the chance to clear my mind, alongside being outside, is often a cathartic experience and I come back feeling refreshed and ready for a cuddle.

These times are intertwined in with any time that I spend together with Jake and my wife together which always ends up in giggles and smiles all round. As Jake approaches 9 months, and my wife approaches the end of her maternity leave, I think these times will change in nature but the list will always exist. 

Making Jake laugh

It's been a while since my last update on things that Jake can do, and rather than try to list all of his new tricks (from sitting up by himself to giving high fives, the list is quite extensive!) I want to put together a list of the things that currently make Jake laugh. He has such an infectious giggle that what starts as a smile from him turns into a laugh from me and we can happily sit and make each laugh for ages. After a long day at work, there's nothing quite like it to make the world a better place.

The current list of things that make him crack up include:

• Waking up Mummy in the morning. He normally gets up around 20 minutes before I have to go to work, so I feed and change him and play a bit (more on this in another post) and then go give him to Kelsey so I can go get ready for work. He beams as she grumbles herself awake and then chatters and giggles with her in bed.
• The cats. This currently seems to be limited to black and white cats, as he doesn't have the same hysterical response to our friend's ginger cat. You can always tell when one of the cats has come into the room that Jake is in by a loud screech and a long burst of laughter.
• Cat videos on line. We're still not quite sure how this works, but he finds them hilarious (we think that this shows the average mental age that the internet is aimed at!)
• The jumparoo. If Jake's ever grumpy, putting him in his jumparoo generally changes his attitude straight away. I think it's the movement (he's currently a very rough and tumble baby) rather than the toys around the edge. The laughing always starts when he knows that he has an active audience. 
• Being thrown around. This incorporates all sorts of rough and tumble, from being chucked up the air, spun upside down and squeezed in a bear hug (my current favourite morning activity and the reason why I'm always a little late for work!). 
• Belly rubs. He's always been a big fan of people nuzzling and biting his belly, but this now leads to paroxysms of laughter and some of the best noises. Again, I think the laughter also comes from me finding him funny. 
• Clapping. This is other people clapping at him, as at the moment he'll flail his arms around like crazy in response. At some point they'll connect but for now there's a large level of excitement and gurgling. 
• Certain songs. At the moment, the nursery song Wind the Bobbin up (random lyrics) and Caro Emerald's That Man crack him up for unknown reasons.
• Seeing Mummy or me after an absence. When I get back in from work, or when we get back in from a run, the first sight of the other person gets a big smile and a leg kick, the highest accolade from Jake.  It gives you a warm feeling and an overwhelming desire to scoop him up and give him a hug, which is often followed by belly rubs and rounds of giggling.

It's amazing the amount of time that we spend laughing with Jake and the variety of things that we do to keep him smiling. It's definitely one of the things that makes being a dad rewarding.

Cultural identity

In a rare treat yesterday, we managed to secure a babysitter for the night and went to the cinema together for the first time in months. We decided to go and see Lincoln as it had good reviews, and to be fair for a Friday night date night film, it was enjoyable. However, the director was obviously dealing with the fact that the movie would be released worldwide, not just in America, so there were times when he had to make it overtly obvious who someone was and what their role was within the abolition of slavery.

After the film, my wife was talking about how she wanted them to add a disclaimer at the start or the end of the movie saying that this was back in the day when the Republicans were the more liberal party and the Democrats were the crazy conservatives. I had picked this up somewhere along the line (from my wife, possibly!) but it started a discussion on cultural identity. For example, for my wife, all of the events and characters were people that she had studied in school and the whole history of America is something that most Americans I've met are well read up on. Likewise, I have a good grounding of English and European history, with a general idea of the story of life across the pond. These cultural references shape who we are and how we see the world.

I wanted to write this because, as most of our private conversations do, we started to talk about which set of  stories and legends Jake would inherit. The obvious answer is the American ones as he'll go to school there and become seeped in the culture and values of American society. It makes me pause for thought to think that my child will have a greater knowledge of the presidents and American literature than me. However, with me as his father, I want him to be aware of his European roots and values at the same time.

What I want him to be aware of is tricky. My wife asked the question "what parts of Englishness do you want him to have?". It's a big question and I'm not sure what my exact answer is. I'm not a huge fan of most of the traits traditionally associated with English people, such as the stiff upper lip, martyring oneself for no good reason and a general sense of understatement. I'm not sure I care too much if he knows about the kings and queens of England (I know I don't!) or how England came to be as a country.

I think part of it is the world view that comes from living on the edge of a multi-cultural continent and to have an appreciation for European culture (more than just as a fun place to go on holiday). I think I want him to have a sense of a longer time scale stretching back to Norman castles and Stonehenge. I think I want him to have an understanding of British culture: films, TV shows, music, books (most of which will come from my personal favourite selections). Above all, I think I want him to see England as somewhere else that is also home, rather than just where his dad comes from.

How I achieve these things and what other answers I come up with to my wife's question are big unknowns, but ones that I will take great pleasure in working out as the years go by.