Subtle changes

After writing last time about my favourite times with Jake, I spoke with some friends who we normally see regularly but haven't seen in a month or so. It's not until people see Jake after a while that they see different things about him, but it's also an interesting time to reflect on changes in the way that my wife and I parent Jake.

Sometimes they're forced on us by Jake. It still amazes me (and always will, I think) that he is a conscious being with desires and preferences and the older he gets, the more able he is to express these desires. A good example here is feeding himself. Since starting on baby led weaning, we've been happy to let him pick finger food but have always fed him things like yoghurt and main meals ourselves. However, he's learned (sort of) how to use a spoon and a fork and now will refuse to eat anything proffered to him on a spoon by us. However, the minute that he gets the spoon himself, he will happily eat anything and everything in front of him. This is a good change all round as he is more control of what and how much he eats, though it does tend to mean more of a clean up after dinner times!

Sometimes they happen by apathy. Not apathy as in we don't care about Jake, more apathy as in happy accidents. For example, up until a month or so ago, we would religiously take Jake's baby monitor (Doodle Radio as we dubbed it) everywhere so we could listen in on him wherever we were. One day we were at a friend's house and hadn't brought it with us. Rather than driving back to get it, we just made sure that we kept a careful ear for him. We got home to realise that we had unplugged but hadn't taken it with us and we somehow never got round to plugging it back in. We've found that we can hear him perfectly well in the mornings, and he will cry loud enough if he's in trouble during the evening or at someone else's house. It's a good change as it's one less thing to take with us and have around the house.

Sometimes they're as a result of coincidence. For a while, we've been talking about how and when to get Jake off his morning and evening bottles of milk. We've not done any reading and as always we're not sure if it's too soon/early to do so, but we both had a general feeling that with the amount of solid food and drinks of water that he's getting through each day, he shouldn't really need them any more. However, neither of us wanted to brave a night without his evening bottle as we've used it as a way to make sure that he was full enough to sleep the whole night. This weekend we went to visit my sister and forgot to take any formula or bottles with us. It seemed like as a good a time as any to try it out, and whilst for the first night or two he cried for longer at the change of routine, he now accepts that bedtime means bath, cuddle, book and bed. It's a good change as it makes us feel like we're at the next step with Jake and as he's walking and communicating more, he has definitely moved on from being a baby to toddlerhood.

Half term simple pleasures

You can tell that I'm on break from school by the fact that I've managed to write two blog posts in the space of a week after a gap of almost 2 months! This week is half term, a break in the longest term of the school year, and whilst it's still a busy working week for me to get fully ready, it's also a time to reconnect with Jake whilst my wife is at work. In amongst the daily pleasures of his big smile when I go to get him once he's woken up and playing peek a boo in the bath, these are some of the simple pleasures that are particular to this week:

• Family dinner times. I think because Jake is slowly learning to feed himself and wanting to make the most of both the time before and after he goes to sleep, we find ourselves cooking and eating once Jake has gone to bed. Not being at work this week means that I've got time to cook again and Jake isn't completely wiped out of energy by 6pm after nursery. This combination allows us to sit and eat together as a threesome and I think we all get something from it. Jake appreciates the company and the modelling of good eating habits, whilst my wife and I love watching him, chatting to him and catching up with each other.
• Walking with Jake. The normal speed of school life means that there's not a huge amount of time to be spent at Jake speed, especially as he's slowly gaining confidence on his feet. My wife will often hold his hand and walk from the car park to the house, but I always seem to be out of time in the mornings. This week has been different. There is something quite magical and heart warming about holding your child's hand and have them take their first stumbling steps alongside you, knowing that this is something that we'll do together many times over the coming months, years and decades. It requires time and patience, but the steady stream of smiles and babbling that goes along with it means that I never want to actually get to the car.
• Playing in bed. My wife isn't always the best at waking up in the morning, but there's always one way to make sure she wakes up with a smile. Jake loves to play peek-a-boo around door frames, and this is especially true when he spies Mummy, leading to gales of laughter. It's wonderful to then have the time to bring him to bed with us and rough and tumble him around. He sees the bed as a climbing frame and will happily crawl, pull and shuffle himself around, giggling all the while.

I guess the theme running through is having some time to slow everything down and appreciate the here and now. I know that teaching may not be conducive to this way of life all the time, but I think I will appreciate the breaks in between even more than before.

One small step for Jake...

I think it started with the walking up the stairs. This quickly became his favourite game, and part of his night time routine is that we'll put him down at the bottom and allow him to walk upstairs to the bathroom. It's very cute, but we have to be firm when he starts trying to come down again!

This turned into cruising where he pulls himself up on just about anything and then totters along, holding onto the side of whatever object he's near to. He finds this hilarious and you can track his movements from another room by the sound of the giggles as he moves round.

This in turn turned into supported walking behind Hurry Scurry (a dog on wheels courtesy of my older sister) or his car. The car was an inspired £10 purchase at a nearly new sale and has been useful for all stages of his walking development. The new favourite game is to walk to the front of the car, press the music button and bounce and dance along behind until the music stops, then repeat. The dancing cracks us up as well and puts a big smile on Jake's face too.

This is slowly coming into independent walking. The first sight we had was him standing up by himself in the middle of the living room and giggling maniacally as he fell down pretty much straight away. He then started taking one or two wobbly steps every now and then before dropping to his bum and shuffling the rest of the way.

My wife decided that to encourage this, she'd start walking short distances from the car to the house and from nursery to the car which I've been doing for the last couple of days. It does mean that it can take 5 minutes to cover the 50 yard distance, but the little puffs of effort and giggles from Jake holding onto my hand fills my heart with so much joy that all other worries fade away.

This decision to help him practice was compounded when I went to pick him up at nursery tonight. Normally he hears my voice, smiles and shuffles over as quickly as he can. Today, he heard my voice, smiled and took over a dozen steps towards me. It was such a wonderful sight to see, one that I know will stop being magical at some point, but one that for right now changes everything in the most wonderful way.

I can't wait for half term next week to do some more practicing!

New tricks

As we hurtle towards the end of a wonderful two week holiday with my parents in Italy, and towards the end of the summer holidays in general, it's time for a little Jake update on his whole range of new tricks. We've always noticed with Jake that his development seems to come in fits and starts, doing a lot of the same thing for a month or two then making several big leaps in the space of a few weeks. I don't know if it's been the sheer amount of parent (and other loving family member!) time on this holiday or just a big boost in his development, but these are just some of the new skills Jake will happily show off next time you see him:

• Pulling himself to standing - this, according to Jake, is one of the funniest things that could ever happen to a baby. Either that, or he laughs when he's really proud of himself. In either case, this skill has taken a few weeks to perfect, but he's now confident enough to stand on the wobbly plastic chairs in the cafe in town, hold onto the back with one hand and gesticulate to his adoring public (aka shoppers walking by), giggling and babbling all the time. On one occasion last week, this did develop into cruising, and he happily used a semi circle of chairs to walk himself around. Since then, he's not shown a huge amount of interest in doing it again, but I'm sure that time will come.
• Getting to sitting from lying on his back - Jake has never liked to be prone on his back and still dislikes being on his stomach (although with his new rolling ability he now sleeps face down most of the time) and I think that this is why he woke up from all naps crying to be picked up. When he first got back from a short trip to the US (jet setting baby!), he woke up crying in the night and I went in to find him sitting up. I was sleepy myself, so didn't think anything of it. 
• (added about a month after I started this post!) Climbing the stairs - the need to stand and move about is incredible to watch, and after many months of watching Jake try to backwards bum scoot up big obstacles, he's now able to combine standing up with some nifty leg action to get himself up our stairs. He sits at the top giggling to himself and then scoots back down ready for another ascent. The most terrifying part is when he gets halfway down, realises that he wants to go back up and swings up himself around, grabbing onto a stair for grim life as his legs flail to find purchase. I'm sure he'll work out a smoother motion but in the meantime there will always be someone ready to catch him.
• Standing up alone - this has only happened once or twice in the last couple of weeks and again is completed with a massive giggle and hand clapping, almost as if to say "look Dad, no hands!". I'm sure we'll see more of this as he continues on his journey towards being able to walk. 

I'm sure that there are others that we just don't see because we're with him every day, and there are still more that are coming on (using a spoon correctly, using a toy on wheels to walk to name but two) which I'll cover in another post. In the meantime, we're enjoying watching all of these new tricks being learned and can't wait to see what his brain works out next!

Teeth

Teething has been a big part of Jake's life for the last 6 months or so, and after an initial torrid time where he was in pain trying to push his first few teeth out, he's now developing a nice full set and every day seems to bring along a new white bump. I don't if it's because they're all come coming quick and fast or because he's got used to it but his teeth don't seem to be bothering him as much now as they did.

The arrival of teeth comes with many benefits and drawbacks. On the plus side, eating is an obvious benefit. With teeth, he can suddenly access larger chunks of food and it's quite an impressive feat watching him eat a banana in ever increasing bite sizes.

Molars also mean that he's able to chew his food a little more, meaning that we can be a bit more adventurous with what we're feeding him. He's now able to manage chunks in his food as well as harder biscuits and bars.

On the flip side, cute games such as "gum on daddy's nose" are now no longer viable, and teeth marks are slowly appearing on the pages of his favourite books. The biggest problem, for me at least, is that sometimes when he's in a cuddly mood, he likes to curl up and nuzzle into my shoulder. On a couple of occasions recently, this nuzzle has turned into a bite (surprisingly painful!) and it's a tough situation trying to convey what "no" means to Jake. I've gone for saying no, frowning at him and moving him away from my shoulder to do something else, but whether this will work in the long term waits to be seen. I know that little kids use their teeth occasionally, but I'd rather not be called from nursery about Jake biting someone, so for now I'll be trying to encourage him to use his teeth for good rather than evil. 

Energy boosters

We had a training day at work today all about resilience and energy management. The first part of the day looked at stressors and things that give us energy and take it away. The first thought when we talked about energy boosters was Jake. I can come home from a tough day, see his smile and suddenly I'm full of energy again, ready to play, cuddle and entertain him. I don't know what it is, but I joked today about bringing Jake to work with me to keep me pepped up.
The latter part of the afternoon talked about making time for what's important in your life, and integrating your work and home life so that both of them gets an equal share of your full attention. Some interesting stuff, but the main thing that got me thinking about this post was this video:

The final part of the video resonated so strongly with me that I wanted to share it on here. The discussions following the video were interesting as those on my team who don't have kids were talking about their own bucket list (with numerous jokes about taking paid sabbaticals) whilst those with kids talked about their children, no matter how old, and how they were going to make more time for them. I like to think that I make as much time for Jake as possible, but there are times when I hate how long he's at nursery without us for (even though I know it's a good thing for him!) and times when I wish he was asleep or with Kelsey so I could sleep more/get work done/tidy up. Ric Elias makes me want to appreciate all the time that I can with him so I pledge from hereon to give him my full attention and love when I'm with him.

Father's Day

I've had a few posts in the pipeline for a while, and as I've got some spare time (ish!), I wanted to get a bit of momentum going again. Sunday was Father's Day, both here and in the UK, and I count it as my first one (I really don't remember much of June last year!). I'm torn about the day, because on the one hand, it's a commercialised holiday and I hate the idea of people spending money on gifts, food or cards simply because someone at Hallmark decided that they should. On the other hand, I think celebrating fatherhood is a good thing (part of the reason for writing this blog is to do so!), so I had wanted to write a post with some general reflections on being a father.

However, after watching some TV over the weekend, I want to write about the portrayal of fathers in the media. These are just my thoughts, feel to agree, disagree, tell me off for taking things too seriously as you will, but three adverts jumped out at me:

The first was for moonpig getting people to buy their fathers gifts and cards for Sunday. They had a series of men doing "manly" things like barbecueing, using power tools and playing golf, all of which feels stereotypical. I'm not sure that they would run a similar advert for mother's day (I don't remember seeing one on TV at the time!) and there was nothing about fathers playing or being with their children.

The second is for SMA formula. In it, you see mother after mother caring for their baby at home with the idea that all of them use SMA to help them through the weaning process. The thing that gets me is that out of 4 example pairings, all of them were mothers. This may be as a result of targetting by the ad agency after demographic research, but it would have been interesting to put a man in there.

The final one is for Robinson's juice (although the advert for Weetabix also hits this theme!). In this one, you see two boys playing out all day, drinking the juice, and the reveal at the end is that one of them is the father and the other the son (interesting, yesterday's version of the advert removed the bit about the father encouraging the son to go talk to a girl!). Whilst this moves towards how I feel we should be representing fatherhood, the tag line is It's good to be a dad, it's better to be a friend.

Now I may be thinking with my teacher head, but I think there's a difference. I think you need to be able to have that adult - child relationship with your kid so that they know boundaries and respect adult authority when they see it. I get worried when I see parents at school treating their kids as equals and friends, and these are often the children who will kick up a fuss in my class when faced with something they don't want to do. I hope that I have a good relationship with Jake (we certainly seem to have a good time together at the moment!) but I want him to see me as his father, someone who will help him develop and progress in life, play with him, love him unconditionally, but not someone that he sees as an equal until he's an adult himself.

Favourite toys

I've been carrying a few blog posts around in my head recently, so I'm going to try and get some of them written over the next week or so. I often think of a post, then forget about it when I'm in front of the computer, then run out of time when I next remember it...I feel I should be writing at least the titles down when I think of them!

Ideally, I wanted to write this one before Jake's birthday as he got a few new toys then which have quickly entered into his list of favourites. This post should act as a snapshot of Jake's favourite toys and interests now which should give some good comparisons later on.

1. Alan, or should I say ALAN! This is a puppet of the head of a white alpaca (hence the name). I don't think I've ever seen a child respond to a toy in such a way that Jake responds to Alan. His whole face lights up (we've got a great video where he's crying his eyes out then switches to giggles and smiles when he see Alan) and he grabs the puppet to cuddle and carry around with him. It's really cute when you've got your hand operating Alan as you can feel how tightly Jake cuddles him and it's fun to pretend to nuzzle him back through Alan.

2. The sorter. To be fair, Jake's favourite occupation at the moment is to take things out of a container and put them back in. It doesn't make any difference what the things are or what the container is, and he's as happy playing with the clothes in his wardrobe baskets as he is with an actual block sorter. However, he enjoys the challenge of putting a shape into the right hole (and beams when he does so first time round) so our wooden sorter always goes with us. His addiction to sorting means that you often find bits of food, socks and other toys stashed away at the end of the day, almost like he's saving them for later.

3. Plastic balls. We bought a couple of big bags (probably 100 total) of plastic balls to make a ball pit for his birthday, but Jake much prefers them as an indoor game. We simple unzip the bag and he scoots over, takes a few out and then tips the whole bag over. He'll then happily chase them around the floor, picking some up to bang together, putting others back into the bag. My favourite moments are where he decides on a ball to pick up, but because he scoots on his bum with his feet facing out meaning that he kicks the ball away from himself. This makes him laugh as he chases it again, only to kick it away. The sheer quantity of balls stops him from getting too frustrated.

4. Push bike. Another nearly new sale purchase. This bike slowly transforms to become a push along bike that Jake will walk behind, but at the moment he's much more interested in riding it, especially as his feet now touch the ground. It took him a while to work out how to move his legs to move the bike forward, but his favourite kitchen game is to push himself along to you and then be pushed back across the floor to start all over again. It's also full of buttons to press and make noise, making it a toy that we'll use a lot in the future!

5. Sunny. Sunny is a car toy to keep him calm on long rides and it's up there as it's got so many different sounds, movements and textures to keep Jake occupied. I like especially as it comes from an unlikely source, a friend who I wouldn't have put down as buying fantastic kids toys, but obviously knows his way around the Early Learning Centre. Sunny is about the same size as Jake, which makes me laugh as I tend to cover Jake up with Sunny as we get into the car.

The rest of his toys come and go in popularity, but the sheer quantity that we've accumulated means that we can always rediscover toys later on. We'll always be on the lookout for new things that will engage him and it'll be interesting to see the transition from his current favourites to new toys in the weeks and months to come.

Happy Birthday Jake!

I have been meaning to post for a couple of weeks now, as I've got quite a few topics that I want to cover. However, the combination of a whole raft of job applications and interviews, combined with a day to day job, my wife spraining her wrist and of course looking after Jake, means that finding time to write has been difficult! Today, I find myself with a spare 15 minutes before my in-laws arrive so I thought I'd put up my birthday message for Jake.

Dear Jake,

I can't believe that a year ago, you were brand new to the world. It seems like a lifetime has passed since that first day when I met you and held you in my arms at the hospital (which I guess it has for you!). It's hard to remember what life was like without you in our lives, or if we ever managed to love someone so much as we love you (which given how much your mum loves her cat is a big achievement!). Even on your most grumpy days, you find ways to make us smile and your infectious laugh and giggles pass onto everyone who hears them.

When you're finally able to read this, you'll find it strange that you had to learn how to sit up, how to smile, how to chatter, how to eat, how to play with toys, how to cuddle and how to shuffle yourself around, all in the space of one year. When I think back to your first weeks at home with us, where you had to be held and cradled at all times and then look at you now, sitting on the floor, playing with toys, scooting over to me for a cuddle, it seems incredible that it's the same person. It's only when I look back at all the pictures that I can truly see the journey that you've been on and just how content you seem with your world around you.

People have said to me that the years seem to go by faster and faster when you have children, but whilst I'm impatient to see what you're going to be like as a little boy and what you'll find interesting about the world, I want you to stay as the little boy whose eyes light up and legs start kicking with excitement each time that I walk into the room.

Your second year will bring even more changes and developments, and your mum and I will be there every step of the way (with a camera and props in hand!) celebrating your achievements.

Happy birthday Buggle, the first of many

Dad

Childcare

One of the biggest decisions that faced us as new parents was what to do as Kelsey approached the end of her maternity leave. For some people, the finances work out well enough for one or other parent to stay at home and provide permanent care for the baby, but as I'm on a trainee teacher salary, Kelsey had to go back to work so that we could afford childcare for Jake. It's been an interesting experience so far, and as I was walking with Jake today, I started to make a list of pros and cons of childcare from my perspective:

Pros
- there's a whole load of new people, both adults and children, and I think that it helps to socialise Jake. He definitely likes watching other children play and you can see this in the way that he sits and stares when we take him to the park.
- the staff are all trained professionals which makes it easier to leave him in the hands of people who are effectively strangers. They know how to look after him and the book that they keep records their interactions with him and how they're going to help him meet his next developmental goals. They're also all really friendly and seem knowledgeable about what they're doing and why.
- it allows us a certain amount of flexibility. For example, during the last school holidays, I was able to drop Jake off for a few hours allowing me to go hit the books at university for my course. Naturally, we'll be charged for the extra hours (sadly we don't get refunded on the days we collect him early!) but it's useful to have that option without having to call in baby sitting favours.

Cons
- even with a three quarters contract (meaning that I get Jake all to myself during the school holidays), the cost is still more than our current mortgage payments. Fortunately, with a combination of child benefit and tax free childcare vouchers from both of our jobs, the cost is reduced a little, but it's still a massive draw on our finances.
- communicating Jake's changing routines and likes between us and nursery can be difficult. We gave them an initial overview of when he ate, his nap times and his food preferences, but that was a couple of months ago and he changes on almost a daily basis. Only today we discovered that he's eating more formula at nursery than we thought which may explain why he's not been so keen on solid food at the weekend. Finding a way to keep both sides updated will be tough but essential to give him as much consistency as possible.
- food is another minor issue as we're struggling to get Jake off beige foods and have already started to pack our food with vegetables that he won't notice when we blitz it up for him to eat. Whilst we didn't specify that we didn't want him to eat things like chocolate at nursery (we didn't want to make a fuss), it's slightly frustrating to pick him up sometimes with a face full of chocolate.

On the whole, I think it's a great place for him to go. In the last week he's started letting a little gurgle of excitement out when he realises where he is and he's certainly learning a whole load of new tricks like bum shuffling and giving people objects which bring us endless entertainment. It's also a great feeling having other people tell you how happy and content your baby is, even if we're paying them a small fortune to keep him that way.

Ray Nears

A short entry today just to record Jake's ever increasing obsession with the outside world. Whilst we've not been able to co-ordinate diaries to continue the Leeds Country Way walk (though we're aiming to get back on the wagon next weekend...keep your eyes peeled on the blog!), Kelsey and I have been finding plenty of time to get Jake outside. The change of the clocks to give us back some light after work definitely helps as does the warmer weather, though we had some fun walks in the woods around our house during the snowy weather.

The most interesting thing that we've found is that contrary to what we were expecting, he is a big fan of the wind. I've always known that he doesn't mind have the wind in his face and he seems to grit his teeth towards in an odd sort of grimace. However, it wasn't until we went to visit some friends up in the Lake District and climbed up a decent sized hill that it became apparent that he actively enjoys that feeling. We went up while it was still relatively cold and we got to the summit around mid afternoon where there was a bracing cross wind. I immediately looked for a more sheltered spot when I was stopped by this kicking and gurgling from behind me. I stopped and was able to enjoy the views from the top with our friends whilst my little wind monster chatted throughout.

This trend has continued each and every time we go out. Softball season has started again, and it's my turn to sit on the sidelines whilst Kelsey plays. Jake obviously comes with us, and sits in the backpack watching the practice and making comments about people's batting (oh wait that's me). Last Wednesday saw the weather change in the day from being warm and sunny to grey and very windy. We play on one of the biggest parks in Leeds and the wind was whipping across the flat surface at what felt like gale force. I got some funny looks from our team as I loaded Jake into the backpack, but within a couple of minutes he was kicking and giggling away. The trick is to keep him bundled up and have a ready supply of biscuits in your pocket (I have now mastered the technique of reaching over my shoulder to pass food back) and he's as happy as can be.

I write this post more as a diary, as it will be interesting to see if Jake continues this love of being outside and of having the wind racing towards him. 

Heartache

Heartache. It happens every time I hear of children being hurt, abused or killed. It happened way before  we had Jake and the stories always tap into that part of me that is driven to work with young people to help them make a difference to the world around them. However, since we had Jake, the stories just strike that much harder. The news coming across from Boston of an 8 year old boy being killed in the explosions as he watched the marathon is still bringing a tear to my eye and making my heart break for his family. I don't know if being a father myself allows me more on a insight as to what  it could feel like to lose a child, or if it perhaps makes me think about how much it would hurt if Jake was to be taken from us in such a cruel fashion.

I have no idea what the bombers were trying to achieve, but I hope that somewhere in their consciousness they have even the slightest notion of the horror, heartache and pain that they are putting  unknown people through by killing innocent people, in particularly a child who has no part in any fight or cause.

Staying at home

Whilst I've never regretted deciding to do my teacher training year and have a baby at the same time, there are times when I think that I'd rather be doing one or the other. However, this last week has not been one of those times. In part it's because I'm on Easter break so the pressures on my time from work has been minimal and in part it's because Kelsey is at work so I've been playing at being a stay at home dad.

It's amazing how time can slowly dribble through your fingers when you're at home with a baby. Jake is roughly on an awake for 3 hours, asleep for 1 or 2 schedule, so you get used to living your life in short little blocks. By the time that you've looked out of the window, played with the blind, had a yoghurt and thrown some blocks on the floor, an hour has easily slipped by.

However, whilst it's tempting to spend the whole day gently pottering around the house, I like to Jake on adventures, such as a shopping trip, going for a run or meeting people for a coffee. This generally involves 10 minutes of screaming as I put him in his outdoor clothes, a promise that if it ever gets warm, I'll dress him in jeans and a t-shirt and then stuffing him into a pram or car seat. As soon as we start to move, and often as soon as we step outside, he's calm and gurgly, and puts on what I call his adventure face, where it looks like he's gritting his teeth (all 4 of them now!) into the wind.

It's a very peaceful time, and being able to spend his naptimes completely self-indulgently by reading, doing crosswords and writing is a rare luxury. Combined with spending time making him giggle, the thought of returning to next week doesn't seem like as much fun as before.

Development

Incredibly, Jake turned 10 months old on Friday. I say incredibly, it was always going to happen, but time seems to be going by faster and faster as the year goes by. I remember at the start marveling that he was a week old, then 10 days, whilst now it's easy for a month to go past now without any of those sorts of thoughts.

At the start of each month, we've always given him a "check-up" against the list in our What To Expect In The First Year book which outlines what your baby should, could and might be able to do. Jake has always been average, meeting milestones like being able to pick stuff up and sit up alone at roughly the expected age, but as the developments move towards gross motor movements like crawling, bum shuffling and standing, he seems to be taking no interest.

Admittedly, he has started to move himself in small movements on the kitchen floor if you put something out of his reach, and he is able to cope with tummy time for longer than before. However, he enjoys sitting and playing or eating and being carried around much more.

My internal struggle, as always, wavers between doing things that make him happy (giving him toys to play with, standing and looking out of the windows for cats) and creating opportunities for him to develop these gross motor skills. I think it's because I can't see how he'll learn to crawl if we don't put him on his stomach or learn to move himself around if we don't put things out of his reach and make him move himself to get there.

I desperately don't want to be a father who makes their child do things that will help their development that the child doesn't enjoy and I know that I was late meeting just about every developmental milestone as a baby and I have turned out ok. There's always that nagging voice, however, that says that I should be doing more to give Jake opportunities to learn new skills. As with all of these debates, I think there's a middle ground between the two to be found and that regardless, Jake will continue to develop in his own unique way.

In sickness and in health

Unsurprisingly, Jake's first week at daycare saw get struck down by a stomach bug. Speaking to other parents who have sent their kids to daycare, this seems to be a common theme as your child enters a maelstrom of germs and other children's illnesses with only a basic immune system to protect themselves.

Of course Jake has been ill before with a sniffle or a slight fever, but as my wife was at home, it was always manageable, even it meant a few days of him being more whiny and cuddly. However, now with us both back to work, the situation of Jake being ill changes everything.

Because it was a stomach bug, the daycare's policy (and indeed that of the whole education system) is that the child needs to be at home for 48 hours to clear the bug before they can come back. This is fine if one of you is at home or it's the weekend, but Jake managed to fall ill mid-week. Our aim has always been to make this an equal partnership so we each took a day off work to be with him.

It was a very surreal experience to be at home on a Thursday when it's not a holiday and I myself am not ill. I ran into all sorts of conflicts because on the one hand you want to be on call to look after Jake and on the other, my work ethic demanded that I try and make the most of the day. I eventually settled on working whilst Jake napped (which fortunately was a lot of the day) and making sure that I was with him at all times when he was awake. It turned into a pleasant day as even through being ill, he was still cheerful and easily pleased.

The big concern was being able to get enough fluids into him as he completely lost his appetite and isn't able to drink from a sippy cup yet (though not for want of trying!). It was strange to have to go back to feeding him a bottle of milk every time he got hungry and even then he still didn't eat a huge amount. Fortunately with his recovery has also come a return of appetite and he's back to stretching across the dining table to grab at whatever we're eating.

Watching your child go through an illness is tough because as an adult you know that it will pass, either with medicine or a few days of rest. For Jake, there's no such concept as time, just how he feels right now, and that feeling was pretty bad. Whilst it was nice having a baby who just wanted to cuddle and be held most of the time, I'm glad he's back to his usual self, playing with toys on the carpet and trying eat everything in sight.

A new pattern

Jake started his day care this week (more about which in my next post) and my wife returned to work. Our house is suddenly a very different place, from having company in the mornings (I definitely got used to having my own time before work!) to having to share Jake's bed time routine with Kelsey. Different doesn't mean worse and there's plenty of things that I like about our new routines.

Having Jake up in the morning has long been a part of my day to day life, but now my wife has to get up at the same sort of time as me. This means that we can share his care and playing with him as we get ready. I no longer have to shower before he wakes up or hope that he sleeps in so I can eat breakfast undisturbed. For Kelsey, this is a tough time as she's not the greatest at getting up in the morning, but she feels the need to be so she can see and play with Jake before she leaves for the day. We all bundle out of the house around 7 o'clock to our various places of work (Kelsey calls Jake's daycare school, I prefer to call it work so that he feels like part of the family).

In the evenings, Kelsey picks him up and every afternoon he is so excited to see her. I didn't quite realise the depth of the bond between them until I saw how excited he is around her in the evenings and the way that every time he sees her he reaches out for a cuddle. I managed to capture this devotion the other day:

Up until this week, I've managed to get out running with Jake a couple of nights a week to give Kelsey a break after having Jake all day. So far this week, I've not managed to get out once as I don't want to take away any time from her. I think that this will change as she gets used to being back at work and away from Jake for the whole day but for this week it seems like a sacrifice worth making. 

Kelsey has also joined Jake and I for his night time routine. Initially it felt strange to have someone else there (especially as I've taken to playing the guitar as he sits in the bath!) but it's actually a great way for Kelsey and I to connect, talk about our days and admire our baby together. We then take turns to feed him and read him a story and brush teeth (he is Kelsey's child after all!) and whilst I miss having just Jake and Daddy time, it's a lovely family feeling at the end of the day.

The next phase

Monday saw a big landmark for our little family as we took Jake for his first settling in day at his daycare. My wife has carefully researched and visited dozens of local nurseries and after much deliberation we chose Future Prospects House as a good combination between location in terms of getting to work, quality of staff and resources and price. They offer a term time only contract which saves us a good chunk of money each month and means that I get Jake all to myself whilst Kelsey goes to work during the holidays.

The day held a specific significance for us for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it's the first time that we have left Jake with someone we didn't know. Even for the half an hour that we were away for, it's quite a nervous experience leaving your son with someone who doesn't know him and hasn't met him before. However, you quickly learn to trust the fact that these people are well qualified and have years of experience in this field.

The second reason is that up until this point, the idea of my wife returning to work and Jake starting day care has seemed like a long time away, but in reality is a little over a week in the future. I'm not sure that Kelsey is ready to leave the semi-idyllic lifestyle that she leads at the moment, and definitely not to return to her crazy place of work. The visit on Monday came as a bit of a shock and a realisation that all of our carefully constructed routines and timings will go out of the window to be replaced by a new set.

This, of course, will be the pattern of our lives over the next 20 years as Jake (and future little brother/sister) starts kindergarten, then school, then sports clubs, then a social life beyond us and so on. I feel that we're adaptable enough as a family to cope just fine, but it's much more of a marker of the end of the first big chapter of Jake's life and the start of the next adventure than any date or birthday could be.

A few of my favourite times

After my last post about things that make Jake laugh, I thought that it would be appropriate to talk about some of my favourite times being Jake's dad. Please don't take this list to be exhaustive, or to think that at other times I'm not enjoying myself, but these are the highlights of my day/week at this moment, the little sections of time that no-one tells you that will bring you so much quiet joy:

• First thing in the morning - this may sound a little crazy, but the first half an hour after Jake wakes up is possibly my favourite time of all. I'm normally the one who gets him when he wakes up (my wife claims not to hear his cries, I still think she's messing with my head) and since I'm a morning kind of person, I don't mind being wide awake at some point between half 5 and 7. I especially don't mind as once I've got a bottle in his mouth to assuage the terrible hunger, it's incredibly peaceful. I deliberately keep the curtains shut and only turn on the fairy lights behind the chair and there's a wonderful calm feeling as he sits, warm and waking up, in my arms eating. Once he's done, I sit him on my lap and we smile and giggle at each other. He'll play with my hands, the cord on my dressing gown and the arms of the chair and chatter to me. It's always cut short (during the week at least) by the fact that I've got to go to work, but I never mind as it takes me to another favourite time.
• Dropping him off with mummy - as mentioned before, my wife is a heavy sleeper (or a very good pretender!), but sadly I can't take Jake to work with me (though I think the kids would love him!) so I have to wake her up to take him whilst I shower and get ready for the day. She sleepily moves across and makes space for him on the pillow and his little face lights up as he realises what's happening. He starts to babble at her, stroking her face and smiling his head off and it fills me with such pleasure to see this. I always come back upstairs before I need to leave and lie down so that Jake is between us. He'll stretch his arms towards me and I've taken to scooping him up and giving him a big bear hug and a squeeze that gets a squeal of enjoyment out of him. This often turns into a bit of game, and it's one of the primary reasons that I'm often a few minutes late for work.
• Food shopping - Monday night food shopping has been the preserve of the men in the house for months now (we consider ourselves to be the hunter gatherers in the family) and what started out as a way to give my wife an hour's break has turned to a highlight of my week. Jake will happily sing to his feet in the car ride over to the supermarket and then continues as we go round the store. Every now and again he'll catch my eye in the middle of an aisle and burst out laughing. I talk to him throughout and try getting him to laugh by running with the trolley. It's a dangerous game, especially if it's busy, and made even more dangerous by the fact that he will stretch his arms out to grab anything that goes near him. He always makes friends at the checkout and it feels more like a play session rather than a chore that needs doing. 
• Walking - right from the word go I've walked places with Jake. It's taken me on routes of discovery all over the place, from the woods behind my house to great swathes of the Leeds Country Way (more on that in another blog!). A combination of my own fascination with finding views out over the world and Jake's love of the outdoors, and trees in particular, means that walks are always a peaceful time. We chatter, Jake just burbling with contentment, me about work, my thoughts, the future, whatever is on my mind. The exercise and the chance to clear my mind, alongside being outside, is often a cathartic experience and I come back feeling refreshed and ready for a cuddle.

These times are intertwined in with any time that I spend together with Jake and my wife together which always ends up in giggles and smiles all round. As Jake approaches 9 months, and my wife approaches the end of her maternity leave, I think these times will change in nature but the list will always exist. 

Making Jake laugh

It's been a while since my last update on things that Jake can do, and rather than try to list all of his new tricks (from sitting up by himself to giving high fives, the list is quite extensive!) I want to put together a list of the things that currently make Jake laugh. He has such an infectious giggle that what starts as a smile from him turns into a laugh from me and we can happily sit and make each laugh for ages. After a long day at work, there's nothing quite like it to make the world a better place.

The current list of things that make him crack up include:

• Waking up Mummy in the morning. He normally gets up around 20 minutes before I have to go to work, so I feed and change him and play a bit (more on this in another post) and then go give him to Kelsey so I can go get ready for work. He beams as she grumbles herself awake and then chatters and giggles with her in bed.
• The cats. This currently seems to be limited to black and white cats, as he doesn't have the same hysterical response to our friend's ginger cat. You can always tell when one of the cats has come into the room that Jake is in by a loud screech and a long burst of laughter.
• Cat videos on line. We're still not quite sure how this works, but he finds them hilarious (we think that this shows the average mental age that the internet is aimed at!)
• The jumparoo. If Jake's ever grumpy, putting him in his jumparoo generally changes his attitude straight away. I think it's the movement (he's currently a very rough and tumble baby) rather than the toys around the edge. The laughing always starts when he knows that he has an active audience. 
• Being thrown around. This incorporates all sorts of rough and tumble, from being chucked up the air, spun upside down and squeezed in a bear hug (my current favourite morning activity and the reason why I'm always a little late for work!). 
• Belly rubs. He's always been a big fan of people nuzzling and biting his belly, but this now leads to paroxysms of laughter and some of the best noises. Again, I think the laughter also comes from me finding him funny. 
• Clapping. This is other people clapping at him, as at the moment he'll flail his arms around like crazy in response. At some point they'll connect but for now there's a large level of excitement and gurgling. 
• Certain songs. At the moment, the nursery song Wind the Bobbin up (random lyrics) and Caro Emerald's That Man crack him up for unknown reasons.
• Seeing Mummy or me after an absence. When I get back in from work, or when we get back in from a run, the first sight of the other person gets a big smile and a leg kick, the highest accolade from Jake.  It gives you a warm feeling and an overwhelming desire to scoop him up and give him a hug, which is often followed by belly rubs and rounds of giggling.

It's amazing the amount of time that we spend laughing with Jake and the variety of things that we do to keep him smiling. It's definitely one of the things that makes being a dad rewarding.

Cultural identity

In a rare treat yesterday, we managed to secure a babysitter for the night and went to the cinema together for the first time in months. We decided to go and see Lincoln as it had good reviews, and to be fair for a Friday night date night film, it was enjoyable. However, the director was obviously dealing with the fact that the movie would be released worldwide, not just in America, so there were times when he had to make it overtly obvious who someone was and what their role was within the abolition of slavery.

After the film, my wife was talking about how she wanted them to add a disclaimer at the start or the end of the movie saying that this was back in the day when the Republicans were the more liberal party and the Democrats were the crazy conservatives. I had picked this up somewhere along the line (from my wife, possibly!) but it started a discussion on cultural identity. For example, for my wife, all of the events and characters were people that she had studied in school and the whole history of America is something that most Americans I've met are well read up on. Likewise, I have a good grounding of English and European history, with a general idea of the story of life across the pond. These cultural references shape who we are and how we see the world.

I wanted to write this because, as most of our private conversations do, we started to talk about which set of  stories and legends Jake would inherit. The obvious answer is the American ones as he'll go to school there and become seeped in the culture and values of American society. It makes me pause for thought to think that my child will have a greater knowledge of the presidents and American literature than me. However, with me as his father, I want him to be aware of his European roots and values at the same time.

What I want him to be aware of is tricky. My wife asked the question "what parts of Englishness do you want him to have?". It's a big question and I'm not sure what my exact answer is. I'm not a huge fan of most of the traits traditionally associated with English people, such as the stiff upper lip, martyring oneself for no good reason and a general sense of understatement. I'm not sure I care too much if he knows about the kings and queens of England (I know I don't!) or how England came to be as a country.

I think part of it is the world view that comes from living on the edge of a multi-cultural continent and to have an appreciation for European culture (more than just as a fun place to go on holiday). I think I want him to have a sense of a longer time scale stretching back to Norman castles and Stonehenge. I think I want him to have an understanding of British culture: films, TV shows, music, books (most of which will come from my personal favourite selections). Above all, I think I want him to see England as somewhere else that is also home, rather than just where his dad comes from.

How I achieve these things and what other answers I come up with to my wife's question are big unknowns, but ones that I will take great pleasure in working out as the years go by.

Out and about

Regular readers here will know that Jake is a true outdoorsman and likes nothing more to spend hours looking at the trees. I'm still not sure what it is that sends him into the calm zen state that being outside does. Maybe it's the hypnotic movements of the trees, maybe it's the feel of the breeze on his face or maybe it's the sheer number of things to look at. In any case, it's a sure fire way to keep him happy, and as he grows I'm always on the lookout for ways to be outside with him.

Christmas time saw two new purchases to help feed his outdoor action. The first was that of a running stroller (an American term I know, but I prefer it to running pushchair and I'm in a situation to pick and choose!), a three wheeled pram specifically designed to go running. The front wheel is able to completely spin through 360 degrees meaning that it will never get stuck and allows the runner to make tight corners. Jake sits in a semi-reclined position with a nice big sunshade over the top (which has a flap that I can lift to check on him). One of the best features is that it has a huge amount of storage underneath meaning that it's perfect to run to our nearest shop (a mile away or so) or for his diaper bag on longer journeys.

After a lot of research, we found it online and with Christmas money from my Gran (thanks Gran!), we've taken to the streets, including doing my beloved 5k parkrun for the first time since Jake was born. It's a little harder to run with it as your arms are in a static position the whole time, plus you've got a 20lb weight to consider on the up and downhill sections. Despite that, I'm loving being able to combine my two favourite things at one time.

The other purchase (actually a present from my wife's parents, thank you!) is a baby backpack. This wonderful device is like a regular backpack with a gap in the middle for Jake to sit in. This replaces our old front bearing baby carrier which whilst useful was also starting to cause us back problems (and gave me an insight into what it felt like to be pregnant!). Jake's still slightly unsure when he sees the backpack, but once he's in it, I get an earful of cheerful burbling over my shoulder. It's meant that we could take him out into the snowy woods near my wife's parent's home and allows us to explore Leeds a little more.

Knowing that we were going to get this for Christmas, I wanted to find a good test for it. I had seen signposts for the Leeds Country Way in various places before and decided that this was the right time to make a start. It's a 62 mile loop around the whole of Leeds and rather than filling up this blog with the details, I've started another one at http://walkingtheleedscountryway.blogspot.co.uk/ to record each of the 12 legs and to put up the photos as we go.

In short, these two items have made a big difference to the way that Jake and I spend time together. I like being able to take him outside, show him beautiful parts of the world and know that we'll be doing this for decades to come.

Food glorious food

We're getting used to Jake's development coming in fits and bursts, such as the week when he suddenly decided he could sit up by himself for ages, pass things from hand to hand and reach for things.

His approach to food is no exception. Up until a week ago, we were feeding him 6 bottles of formula a day, including one in the middle of the night that was almost killing me. Last weekend we decided to try and break him of this habit (result - one night of no sleep and a week's worth of 12 hour night sleeps...fingers cross that continues!) he's suddenly decided that eating real food would be much more fun than milk. To be fair, we tried starting him on purees and baby rice a while back, but it wasn't realistically until we got to the US in December that we tried to feed him baby food in earnest.

The big problem that we've found with shop bought food is that a lot of the savoury dishes are either really sweet or really bland. Jake is very clear when he tastes something that he doesn't like, and he now passes everything for a quick lip test before sticking it in his mouth. For the most part, the shop bought stuff doesn't pass inspection, though there are some surprises as to what he'll enjoy (a rice and green bean mixture that tasted foul to us was apparently acceptable...maybe he was just starving at that point!).

A better solution all round, especially given the cost of ready made baby food, is to make our own. I have traditionally done the lion's share of the cooking as I find it a soothing and calming activity after a day's work, but my wife has stepped up to the plate in the weeks since we've been home which is in part due to the fact that she enjoys making food that Jake will like. It's a much cheaper approach and both of us like knowing exactly what's gone in there. We can also tailor his diet so it resembles the meals that we eat the most and that he will grow up eating with us. We have found a use for the shop bought stuff in that it gives us empty bottles to sterilise and refill with our own purees and blends.

Feeding Jake is one of my life's great pleasures. The timing on an evening works out well so that he's ready for dinner as I step through the door. I get greeted by my wife with a kiss and a bowl of baby food and Jake with a smile and an open mouth. It's a great feeling to feed him, watching him learn about different textures and tastes, knowing that we're able to care for him in a way that formula doesn't seem to provide. It's also a fun experience because he manages to get it everywhere as he's constantly kicking his feet in excitement, moving his whole body to get closer to the spoon.

Jake's also learning about finger food, and our approach is to give him bits of whatever we're eating, as long as it's not too salty or spicy. He feeds himself a lot of bread (pizza crusts included!) and it's amazing watching the difference between a couple of months ago when he would just chew on it for fun and give you back a masticated lump of goo and now when he chews to make it easier to swallow. Anything that is smaller than his hands is fair game to eat in his eyes, so we like to experiment with different fruits and vegetables in particular to see what he likes.

The final upshot of all this development is an unexpected but very pleasing evening routine. My wife and I are very much TV dinner people, choosing to talk about our days once we've eaten and zoned out for a little. Feeding Jake makes us both stay in the kitchen and more often that not we eat earlier so we can sit at the table with him. It makes me flash forward to many years of family suppers together, and I can begin to see why my parents take so much pleasure in having the family together around a dinner table.

Genetics

The human reproduction process is bizarre at the best of times. The whole birthing process has still yet to be sorted out by evolution and the sheer amount of time it takes babies to learn about their own bodies, let alone about other people, is a constant source of amazement to me.

Added onto this is the craziness that is human genetics. Many people who have met Jake are aware that he has bright blue eyes, with some small patches of brown in his right eye. However, neither of us have blue eyes, and it's only my mother and an uncle on my wife's side who do. It amazes me that this is still a possible combination. Fortunately, he is in the 98th percentile for height so it's clear that some genes are stronger than other given the number of 6 foot plus men on both sides.

The reason why I've been thinking more about genetics than normal is that Jake is now able to sit up unaided for extended periods, meaning that his hands are free to start grabbing at things (and generally putting them in his mouth!). At first, he would grab with whatever hand was closest and he would flail around until he managed to grab it.

Now, however, he's showing strong tendencies to reach for things with his left hand first, and only uses his right when his left is already full. We've tested this a little things by putting things in the middle of his vision, and he grabs with his left. We've even put things next to his right hand and he'll twist himself round to grab with his left. Again, neither of us are left handed, but my mother, maternal grandmother and older sister are. The family theory was that the first born was left handed, but my niece isn't. It's just interesting watching Jake develop this and wondering whether, like his eyes, it's a permanent part of who he is. If it is, I'm going to have get some help teaching him to write (more than if he's right handed!)

Gender stereotypes

At last I have a new laptop and a free weekend, so I'm aiming to write a few posts given that I only managed one for December, and none so far for 2013! This first one will be relatively short whilst I get my thoughts in order for the next ones.

Jake is a very outdoorsy baby, as I've noted on here before, and he's also a very physical baby. By this I mean that he enjoys being thrown around, tickled, raspberried, turned upside and just about any other form of rough and tumble you can think of. The big gummy you get when you pick him up upside down or roll with him from side to side makes me laugh as well. His latest trick is being able to sit up in the bath and splash the water around, which he did for 20 minutes today, gurgling all the time.

During one of my rough and tumble sessions with him over the Christmas break (there were many of these!), my mother in law, as a joke, asked me if I would be doing the same with a girl. My instinctive answer is to say yes, absolutely, but I wonder if that's true. I mean, I absolutely hope that it's true, that if we had had a girl instead (or if we have a girl next time round) and she showed such clear delight in being thrown around, then I would be doing the exact same thing.

It was an interesting question though, as my wife is one of three sisters, I only have sisters and the only friends I know with boys live so far away that we never see them. I like to think that we act in accordance to Jake as an individual, rather than as a gender. For example, he still detests tummy time (despite being almost able to roll his way back on to his back) so we don't do it very often. Whilst I don't think it's something that I'll lose sleep over, I will definitely be checking in on myself and my wife to make sure that we're not falling into gender stereotypes (or at least, any more than we can avoid!) as Jake grows up.