A friend told us today that they're expecting a baby. Once our initial excitement had calmed down, it was fun to have some reminiscing time about this time last year when we were making the same announcements and having the same conversations with each other that our friends are no doubt having. This got me thinking about all that we've learned in the last year, both from listening to other people and stuff that we've worked out ourselves.
My wife asked me to talk to the husband in the couple about being father and after careful discussion with Jake today (i.e. we went for a walk and he listened very closely to what I had to say), I want to pass on these bits of advice:
1. Your baby will not be normal. Not in a horrible "it will have 10 heads" or "it's going to be a goth" way, but in the sense that you need to take anything that talks about "normal babies" with a pinch of salt. Of course, it's comforting to see Jake making developmental milestones at roughly the recommended intervals, but there are plenty of things that he can do that his peers (at his baby groups) can't and vice versa. It all comes out in the wash, however, and you've just got to enjoy what your baby can do at that moment in time.
2. It's a partnership. I know this is something that I've touched on a lot, but you need all hands on deck right from the word go. You need to make sure that you share responsibilities between you, and whilst it might not always be a perfectly even split, you both need to have some down time away from the baby and to feel that you're not doing all the work. This can be hard for fathers coming home tired or wanting a lie-in on the weekend, but I'm constantly surprised by the level of support my wife and I offer each other even when both of our energy levels are low. Jake just inspires/requires that you dig deep, and if you can't then your partner needs to be there to take up the slack.
3. Patience is a virtue. It helps in every walk of life, but you need it especially in the middle of the night when your baby's crying or when you're trying to get out of the house. It takes a lot to remember that Jake's just a baby sometimes and hasn't managed the ability of doing things deliberately to piss us off (yet). If he's crying, something's up and it's down to us as parents to sort it out.
4. Make time for them. As much fun as I have when it's my wife and I together with Jake, and as much as Jake adores his mother, some of my favourite times are when I scoop him on an adventure, just the two of us. This might be playing upstairs in his room, going for a walk in the woods or going food shopping (Monday nights are the highlight of my week!). In any scenario, I talk a lot to Jake and find different ways to make him smile and laugh. It's a strange feeling knowing that he sees me as his dad and I want to make sure that it's a positive feeling.
I doubt that I'll sit and go through these bullet points with anyone, but I hope that when I talk about fatherhood, the sheer enjoyment and pleasure I get from being Jake's dad come shining through.
